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Question: I’ve noticed lately that during intimacy with my husband I actually sometimes like more than a soft touch – hard to describe but maybe a little bit rough without any pain? I would describe it as wanting to feel more passion. How do you keep intimacy sacred and safe but yet bring in a little more passion without crossing the line into becoming aggressive?

Answer: Why can’t aggressive be sacred and safe?  As long as both partners want it and are ok with it, aggressive and passionate lovemaking can be fun and bring you closer together.  It’s all about creating goodness between the two of you and there is no “right or wrong” when it comes to sex.  Sacred doesn’t just mean soft and gentle.  It means that is brings the two of you closer together.

Category: Sex

Question: You mentioned someone who has an FHE lesson around thought work. Can you please share the link for that? Thank you!

Answer: Yes! Jody Moore.  Family Home Evening Lessons

Categories: Children, Church Stuff

Question: Hi Amanda, My husband and I are doing great. Our relationship has never been better or stronger. I apologize for this off-topic, that is non-relational, challenge, but it is the biggest struggle I’ve been trying to figure out how to handle. My issue is the loss of freedoms from unconstitutional government mandates. In trying to run the model, I am struggling to find an intentional model that will bring peace. The unintentional model: Circumstance: The governor has no constitutional authority to make law, yet keeps shutting things down and is threatening fines and arrests for even having more than six people in a home for Thanksgiving. I have five children, so we have a family of seven. The only reason that the mandate works this year is that one of my children is serving a mission for six more weeks. Thought: Freedom of choice is being taken away and is not expected to be given back. Feeling: Helplessness Actions: Civil disobedience when I feel I can. Otherwise, following the mandates, which is not living with integrity because I feel I should be fighting back, not cowering. Results: I allow the governor to take my choices away by living with the declared guidelines.. What does an intentional model look like? I want to feel peace, but it’s hard to figure out how to do that. I can’t change the circumstances coming from the government, but I don’t know how to change the thought in a way that will bring peace. Pretending that freedom will be restored before the millennium is like living in denial, and although it could bring peace, denial doesn’t seem like the right answer either. How do I get an intentional model that brings peace and helps me live within my integrity and understanding of the signs of the times? I really could use some help sorting this out, if you are willing. If it is better via email, I totally understand.

Answer: Hi! You can ask me ANYTHING here.  Doesn’t need to be relational 🙂

So here’s your problem – your circumstance in your unintentional model is your thoughts…not facts.  They feel VERY true for you.  They feel like facts.  But they aren’t.  You also have other thoughts spread throughout your model. We need to be very factual in the C line and keep your thoughts to the T line.

So your model actually looks like this.

C: The governor doesn’t have constitutional authority. He has shut things down and says words about fines and arrests.  The mandate says no more than 6 people in a home at Thanksgiving.  I have 6 people in my home this year.

And then you have a lot of thoughts about it
– He is threatening us
– This wouldn’t work for my family if my son was home from his mission
– Freedom of choice is being taken away
– It might not be given back
– If I follow the mandates I am not in integrity with myself
– I should fight back, now cower
– He’s taking my choices away with his declared guidelines

F: Helplessness (which though is this coming from?)
A: (What do you do when you feel helpless? Civil disobedience doesn’t come from helplessness).
R: (would depends on the T, F, and A)

So, for your intentional model we need to figure out what is going to work best for you so that you can feel like you have integrity.

C: The governor doesn’t have constitutional authority. He has shut things down and says words about fines and arrests.  The mandate says no more than 6 people in a home at Thanksgiving.  I have 6 people in my home this year.

T: ???

F: Integrity

A: (What would you do in the circumstance to be in integrity with yourself?)

R:

Feel free to post your response and we will add to this discussion.

Categories: Politics, Self

Question: How do we stay calm and focus on peace when all of those we conversate with want to discuss the state of the world and how horrible it is? I always bring gratitude into the conversation but I”m getting exhausted listening to the voices of despair! I can’t cut these people out of my life. One of them is my mother and she’s 80 and very worried and sad for our country. I feel bad for her and it is bringing me down.

Answer: How do we stay calm? By thinking thoughts that create the feeling of calm.  Watch your thoughts….

T: They think the state of the world is horrible
T: They are the voices of despair
T: It’s exhausting listening to them
T: She’s worried and sad for our country and I feel bad for her
T: She brings me down

Do these thoughts bring you peace and calm?  I’m guessing no.  What could bring you peace and calm?

T: She can think whatever she wants and it’s ok.
T: I can stay peaceful no matter what others think

Category: Relationships

Question:  Lately I have had problems being able to orgasm. My spouse is very attentive and determined which does put a little pressure on me. I appreciate his determination but I get sooooo close and I will stay close but just can’t let go. We have talked about it and I’m perplexed. I don’t feel a huge amount of pressure but could this be the problem?

Answer: The problem is almost always what is going on in your brain.  Sometimes we don’t orgasm, even when we get close.  But worrying about if you are going to or not usually just makes it worse.  I would go back to basics.  Focus on pleasure and connection and not orgasm.  If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.  The pressure you feel is from the way YOU are thinking, not what he is DOING.  Remember to stay relaxed and also let him know that while an orgasm would be nice, you just want to focus on connecting and pleasure.

Category: Sex
Tag: Orgasm

Question: Hey Amanda! So i’ve noticed that when my husband and I have sex two days in a row it seems almost impossible for me to orgasm both times. I’m wondering if this is normal or if there is anything I can do to help with it. Thanks!

Answer: Just like men have a refractory period  (the time between an orgasm and when you feel ready to be sexually aroused again), so do women.  It varies for each individual.  For some it’s short, and some it’s longer.  It can be minutes to days.

There are three key factors affecting refractory period length that you may be able to control: arousal, sexual function, and overall health.

To boost arousal:

  • Switch up how often you have sex. A different sex schedule may result in a different refractory period.
  • Try a new position. Different positions mean different sensations. For example, you may find that you’re more in control of your arousal if you’re on top of your partner or if they’re on top of you.
  • Experiment with erogenous zones. Have your partner pull, twist, or pinch your ears, neck, nipples, lips, and other sensitive, nerve-dense areas.
  • Fantasize or role-play. Think about situations that turn you on and share them with your partner.

For sexual function, make sure you are doing your kegals. And overall health, the usual; diet and exercise.

Category: Sex
Tag: Orgasm