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It’s November and with Thanksgiving around the corner, gratitude is a topic on many people’s minds. While we often focus on expressing thanks for the things we have, the people in our lives, and the blessings we’ve received, we sometimes forget to bring that same spirit of gratitude into our closest relationships. Gratitude is such a powerful force within relationships, and its influence can transform even the most intimate areas of our lives, including our sexual relationships. When we actively choose to be grateful for our partner, it opens up space for deeper connection, empathy, and emotional closeness—all of which play an important role in our sexual satisfaction.

Today, I want to talk about how you can bring more gratitude into your sexual relationship. We’ll explore research and ideas on how gratitude strengthens bonds, while offering practical ways you can start incorporating this practice into your relationship right away.

Why Gratitude Matters in Your Sexual Relationship

In relationships, it’s easy to fall into patterns where we begin to take each other for granted, especially when it comes to sex. Instead of appreciating the moments we share, we may focus on unmet expectations, lack of frequency, or even small annoyances.

Research from UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center found that gratitude strengthens romantic relationships in many ways. Grateful partners tend to feel more positive about their relationships, are more satisfied, and are even more willing to communicate and resolve conflicts. This shows that the benefits of gratitude go far beyond sexual intimacy but greatly influence it by reducing tension and fostering emotional closeness. The article also highlighted how gratitude creates a “cycle of generosity,” where one act of gratitude inspires more, encouraging both partners to be kinder and more attentive.

But how does gratitude specifically affect your sexual relationship?

When you appreciate your partner in the bedroom, it can shift the dynamic. Gratitude brings more patience, empathy, and emotional vulnerability into your sexual connection, making sex feel less like an obligation and more like a shared act of love and care. Gratitude helps you see your partner through a lens of admiration and affection, enhancing the joy you feel in being intimate with them.

How to Bring Gratitude Into Your Sexual Relationship

Here are some practical ways to intentionally foster gratitude in your sexual relationship:

1. Express Gratitude for Your Partner’s Efforts

It’s important to vocalize appreciation for your partner’s contributions to your relationship, both sexually and otherwise. In many relationships, it’s easy to focus on what isn’t happening in the bedroom—whether it’s frequency, spontaneity, or certain desires going unmet. However, what if, instead of focusing on what’s lacking, you made a conscious effort to express gratitude for what your partner is already doing, both in and out of the bedroom? This could look like:

• Acknowledging non-sexual efforts: Gratitude outside the bedroom creates a stronger foundation for intimacy inside of it. Tell your partner how much you appreciate the things they do that contribute to the wellbeing of your family, their hard work at their job, or their emotional support when you’ve had a tough day. This creates a positive atmosphere that carries into your sex life.
• Before sex: When you’re preparing for bed or winding down for the night, take a moment to say, “I really appreciate how you’ve been so attentive to my needs this week. It makes me feel close to you.” This creates an atmosphere of emotional connection that makes sex more meaningful.
• After sex, express thanks for specific moments: After a sexual experience, reflect on what made it special. Maybe it was the way they made you feel safe, how they focused on your pleasure, or how they made you laugh during an intimate moment. Instead of just saying, “Thank you, that was great,” get specific. You could say, “I loved the way you kissed me tonight. It made me feel desired and loved,” or “I really appreciated how we took our time; it felt so intimate,” or  “I really appreciated how you were so gentle and attentive last night. I felt really cared for, and it made me feel more connected to you.”

One couple I worked with started a practice where after sex, they would both express one thing they appreciated about the experience. The wife expressed gratitude for how patient and attentive her husband was to her needs, and in turn, the husband shared how much he appreciated her vulnerability in opening up to him. This practice helped them feel more connected and less anxious about meeting expectations.

Another example is in day-to-day activities. Imagine your partner is always the one to initiate sex, and it’s become a bit routine. Instead of simply expecting it, take a moment to say, “I’m so grateful for how you’re always taking the lead. It makes me feel desired, and I love that about you.” Just acknowledging that effort can renew excitement and emotional closeness.

2. Appreciate Your Partner’s Body and Sensuality

Many people struggle with body image, and this insecurity can carry over into their sexual relationship. One of the most powerful ways to enhance intimacy is by appreciating and complimenting your partner’s body, especially during vulnerable moments.

• Verbally affirm their physical attractiveness: This can be as simple as telling them you find them beautiful or handsome, but it can also be more specific. Let them know how much you love a particular part of their body or how their movements turn you on.
• Compliment their body during foreplay: As things heat up, instead of focusing only on what you’re feeling, take a moment to acknowledge their body. You might say something like, “I love the way your skin feels against mine,” or “Your body is so beautiful to me,” or “I’m so grateful for how connected I feel with you when we’re like this.”
• Appreciate the way they express their sensuality: This could be verbal appreciation for how they move, the way they touch you, or how they express desire. For example, “I love how confident you are when you take the lead—it really turns me on.”

When you express gratitude for your partner’s body, you’re not only boosting their confidence, but you’re also making them feel more secure and loved, which can lead to more fulfilling sex for both of you. 

I worked with a couple where the wife had struggled with body image after having children. The husband made a point to tell her each time how much he loved her body exactly as it was, focusing on specific things like how soft her skin felt or how much he appreciated her body for bringing their children into the world. Over time, she began to feel more confident and less inhibited during sex, which improved their connection.

Another example is from a woman who felt self-conscious about her partner seeing her body in certain positions. To help, her partner would say things like, “I love seeing you like this; you look incredible,” which made her feel more comfortable and able to let go of her insecurities.

3. Be Grateful for the Small Moments of Intimacy

When we think about intimacy, our minds often jump to grand gestures or big moments. However, intimacy is also built in the small, everyday interactions that may seem insignificant but are deeply meaningful. These are the moments that build emotional closeness and trust, which naturally enhance your sexual connection. It’s moments like a lingering touch, a soft kiss, or holding each other before falling asleep—that create deep emotional connection.

• Make a habit of verbalizing appreciation for small acts: If your partner reaches for your hand in public, gives you a kiss on the cheek, or brushes your hair out of your face, gives you a kiss on the forehead or wraps their arms around you while you’re cooking dinner, acknowledge it and take a moment to appreciate it. These little actions often go unnoticed, but they are the building blocks of emotional intimacy and foster emotional closeness.
• Create rituals of gratitude in daily life: For instance, every night before bed, you could each share one small thing you appreciated about the day, especially if it relates to a moment of physical affection or connection. For example, “I loved how you hugged me when I got home today; it made me feel really close to you.”

Recognizing and vocalizing these small moments encourages more physical affection, which often leads to greater sexual desire and connection.

I’ve worked with a couple who found that during busy weeks, their sexual relationship suffered. They decided to start a “gratitude check-in” every Friday night. They would sit together and talk about the little moments of intimacy they appreciated throughout the week, even if it was just a short kiss before rushing out the door. This simple ritual helped them realize how much they were still connecting, even in small ways, which increased their overall desire for intimacy.

Another couple created a morning ritual where they would kiss each other goodbye before leaving for work. The wife started telling her husband how much she appreciated this little act each morning, saying it set a positive tone for her day. This appreciation grew into them feeling more connected, which naturally made their sexual encounters feel more meaningful.

4. Gratitude in Times of Frustration or Disconnection

In every relationship, there are moments of disconnection—times when sex doesn’t happen as frequently as you’d like or when you and your partner are just not on the same page, times of stress, life changes, or mismatched desire levels.  In these moments, it can be easy to feel frustrated or resentful. But choosing gratitude in these moments can help shift your perspective and bring you closer together.

• Focus on what your partner is doing right: Instead of dwelling on unmet needs, find areas where they are showing love and care. For example, if your partner hasn’t been initiating sex, but they’ve been extra supportive in other areas, acknowledge that: “I know we haven’t been as physically close lately, but I really appreciate how you’ve been helping with the kids and taking care of things around the house. It makes me feel loved.”
• Communicate your desires with gratitude: If there’s something missing from your sexual relationship, bring it up with a focus on appreciation. For example, “I’ve missed being intimate with you, and I want you to know how much I appreciate all the effort you put into our relationship. I’d love for us to make time for more connection when you’re ready.”

If your partner has been less interested in sex lately, consider what’s going on in their life. Maybe they’re stressed at work, feeling overwhelmed at home, or dealing with physical exhaustion. Instead of allowing frustration to fester, express gratitude for their hard work or for any other positive aspects they bring to the relationship. This shift in perspective can ease tension and make it easier for you to reconnect.

For example, you could say, “I know you’ve been tired lately, and I just want to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do for us. When you’re ready, I’d love to be intimate with you again, but I understand if now’s not the best time.”

One couple was experiencing a dry spell due to the husband’s high-stress job. Instead of feeling frustrated, the wife began thanking him for the small ways he was still showing love—like spending time with the kids or making her breakfast in the mornings. This shift in mindset helped her feel less resentment, and he, in turn, felt more appreciated, which led to a rekindling of their sexual connection.

Another example is a woman who felt disconnected from her husband after the birth of their child. She started expressing gratitude for the ways he was supporting her emotionally and physically, even though their sexual relationship had taken a backseat. By focusing on his positive actions, she felt more connected, and when the time was right, their intimacy naturally returned.

5. Practice Gratitude Together

Practicing gratitude as a couple can deepen your connection, making your relationship and your sexual bond stronger over time. Doing this intentionally and regularly creates an environment where both partners feel valued and cherished, which leads to better communication, greater empathy, and a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

• Gratitude exercises during date night: On your next date night, try a gratitude exercise where you each take turns sharing something you’re grateful for in the relationship. It could be related to your sexual connection or to anything else, but make it a regular habit. This can open the door for more intimate conversations and a deeper connection.
• Gratitude journaling together: You can start a gratitude journal where both of you write down three things you’re grateful for about each other each week. This practice builds awareness and helps you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

One couple decided to incorporate gratitude into their sexual relationship by creating a “gratitude jar.” Each week, they would write down one thing they appreciated about their partner, drop it in the jar, and read the notes together at the end of the month. This practice made them more mindful of the positive things their partner was doing, which improved their sexual connection and their overall relationship.

Another example is a couple who decided to start a gratitude practice after sex as part of their aftercare, where they would lay in bed together and each share one thing they appreciated about the experience. This ritual became a way for them to bond emotionally and reinforced the idea that sex was a way to connect, not just a physical act.

Conclusion

Thanksgiving is the perfect time to reflect on gratitude, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Bringing gratitude into your sexual relationship can transform the way you connect with your partner—both emotionally and physically. By making a habit of appreciating your partner’s efforts, body, and the small moments of intimacy, you’ll foster a deeper bond that will benefit every aspect of your relationship.

Try to make gratitude a consistent part of your daily interactions and your intimate moments. It’s amazing how something as simple as saying “thank you” or recognizing the little things can lead to big changes in your relationship. I hope you’ll find small ways to build more gratitude into your sexual relationship.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected. Goodbye for now.