Is it possible to be sexual and spiritual? I think for most the question has been “do I want to be sexual OR spiritual”, because we think that these two parts of ourselves, often seen as contradictory, can not simultaneously exist.  And given the choice, many choose spiritual over sexual.  But what I want to talk about today is how the two can and do co-exist and it’s possible to sexual AND spiritual.  And to achieve wholeness by embracing both.

I think that one of the goals we have here on earth is to achieve wholeness.  Wholeness as an individual and wholeness as a married couple. And what does wholeness mean?  According to the dictionary wholeness means:

1. the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity.
2. the state of being unbroken or undamaged.

A statement I hear from so many women is that they feel broken when their sexuality and their sexual relationship don’t look like what they thought it would.  I personally believe that none of us are broken, but we don’t feel whole because we have not integrated all parts of ourselves.

We also often feel that our marriages are broken because we are not achieving wholeness and unity in this area.  And the tendency is to try and get our partner to conform to whatever way we lean, whether that is suppression or indulgence, instead of finding a happy medium where room for both partners and their individual preferences and sexuality can coexist.

In order to achieve wholeness we must integrate our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual selves as well as integrate those things as a couple.  Why? Because we were created to be all of those things.  You can not be whole without embracing all of it.  You can not be whole, there will always seem like something is missing when you suppress a God-given part of yourself.  It will often feel like there is a hole in our marriage if we are not working to be first, whole as an individual, and then work to achieve unity and wholeness as a couple.

It is imperative that we understand that our sexuality is a gift from God.  It is an essential part of our humanity and mortality.  We were sent to earth to have a body and to experience everything within that body.  We were meant to experience pleasure and pain.  That is the reason why Eve partook of the fruit.

We were created in the image of our Heavenly Parents.  Just as we are inherently sexual beings, so are they.  As women, we have an entire organ, a clitoris, that is just for pleasure.  If we were not supposed to experience pleasure, why would our Heavenly Parents give us a clitoris?  Your body was divinely designed to give and receive pleasure.

Becoming whole means accepting and developing your sexuality and eroticism as a vital part of your mortal existence.  This means instead of shutting down your sexuality constantly you need to work on developing it in a way that blesses your life as an individual and blesses your marriage.  

Many of us grew up with the belief that as teenagers we were not supposed to be a sexual being.  Once married, maybe you thought that you need to continue to control your carnal desires.  Maybe you believed that mothers were not supposed to be sexual (except for the times when you were being sexual with your husbands and it was for him and not for you.).  All of these beliefs shut down your sexuality.  It’s important for you to work to bring it back, which is not easy to do, but is totally possible.

In Episode 170, I talked about the Parable of the Talents.  In that episode we talked about how your sexuality is a gift from God and therefore needs to be worked on and increased and not buried.  What are you doing to magnify this gift?

Oftentimes I hear phrases like, “Well I’m supposed to tame my carnal desires.  Not give in to all the temptations.”  

Romans 7:14 – To be carnally minded is death

D&C 88:121 – Cease from all of your…lustful desires

And while that can be true, I think we misconstrue what these scriptures are saying.  Being carnally minded in general, probably not a good thing.  Lusting after what is not yours, also not a good thing.  Having sexual, carnal, or lustful thoughts for your eternal companion…not the same thing.  I would go so far as you to say you SHOULD have those kinds of thoughts about your spouse.  Why? Because it is embracing an essential part of yourself, a God-given part of yourself, and it makes your marriage better.  Your relationship with your spouse is THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE! Nothing, except for your relationship with God, should come before it.  So when you put the kids, the chores, work, callings ahead of having sex with your spouse, I think you are cheating yourself out of a marriage that is truly celestial.  

Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely situations where a spouse takes things too far.  Of course you are going to put sex on hold when you have to tend to a nursing baby or a crying child.  We don’t need to be ridiculous here.  But I think a lot of times we make up excuses and put up blocks and barriers instead of engaging in something that will make our marriage better.

I believe that spirituality and sexuality can coexist.  In fact, I believe that you can not achieve true enlightenment and the highest levels of love, satisfaction, and wholeness without both.  I have found that in my own life, when I am developing my sexual self, my spirituality grows.  My testimony of my Heavenly Parents has increased ten-fold, maybe even hundred-fold since doing this work.  I feel their presence every day.  I pray about my clients and how to help them.  I pray about what to speak about on this podcast.  And I am constantly given answers.  Podcasts often just flow out of me and it’s not coming from me but from the Spirit, because sexuality matters to God.  They know how important it is for their children and they want this to be a great part of your life and your marriage.

If you are disconnected or ashamed of your sexuality, you are disconnected from an essential piece of yourself that God created.  And that also means you are not connecting fully with deity because you reject something They gave you.   And if you are disconnected from yourself, you are for sure going to be disconnected from your spouse.  You will never have the emotional intimacy, let alone the sexual intimacy or the spiritual intimacy with them if you don’t address it in yourself first.

I want to invite you, once again, to join me in coaching.  My next group is February 16.  There will not be another group for a few months after that, so get in while you can.  Spots are limited.