One of the topics I get the most DMs about is female ejaculation. Either women who do it all the time and want to stop or women wanting to know how to do it and everything in between. In this episode, we’re talking about female ejaculation, how it works, why we shouldn’t be afraid of it, and why it actually is pretty amazing. So, why not give it a try?
I think female ejaculation is one of the topics I get the most DM’s about on Instagram. Either women who do it all the time and want to stop. Women who want to learn how to do it. Or even women who have done it and think that they peed and are embarrassed about it. Female ejaculation or squirting is something that I think we need more education about…and I’m all about educating, so let’s dig in.
Do women actually ejaculate? The answer is yes, but not in the same way that men do. And not all women. Some women tend to be natural ejaculators. They always do it and always have. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, different estimates suggest that between 10 and 50 percent of women ejaculate during sex. Some experts believe that all women experience ejaculation, but many do not notice. In an older study that involved 233 women, 14 percent of participants reported that they ejaculated with all or most orgasms, while 54 percent said that they had experienced it at least once. The most recent cross-sectional study on female ejaculation followed women age 18 to 39 from 2012 to 2016. The researchers concluded that a whopping 69.23 percent of participants experienced ejaculation during orgasm.
But for many women, squirting is a learned skill. So, if you haven’t done it yet, you can learn how if you want to (and we are going to talk more about that later). And if you don’t, that’s ok too! It doesn’t need to be this thing that we all shoot for. Now for some, ejaculating enhances the experience. For others it detracts from it. But that mostly depends on how you think about it.
How does female ejaculation even happen? Where does that liquid come from? Is it urine? There is an area of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra (called the urethral sponge). When you were in the womb and developing if you were a girl you developed this urethral sponge. If you were a boy, you developed a prostate. Inside this spongy area are glands, called the Skene’s Glands (or paraurethral glands) that are composed of a multitude of networks of tiny tubules, like the hair roots on a plant. This network of glandular tubules has about thirty ducts, or openings, along the length of the urethra as well as two main ducts that open just inside or outside the urethral orifice. These glands are the source of female ejaculation. The liquid looks like watered-down fat-free milk. It’s a fairly clear watery fluid with a faint musky odor and tastes sweet. So yes, the fluid does come out the same place as urine, but it doesn’t smell like urine.
Some studies have argued that the fluid produced by these glands is actually urine. And while it does come out the same place as urine, it is not urine. Analysis shows that this fluid is much closer chemically to male prostatic fluid. (Sometimes the urethral sponge is also called the female prostate). It also contains fructose, which is a form of sugar. But, because it is coming from the urethra, it can contain some urine.
A 2014 study found that the ejaculate fluid accumulates in the bladder during arousal and leaves through the urethra during ejaculation.
First, the researchers used ultrasound exams to confirm that the participants’ bladders were empty. The women then stimulated themselves until they ejaculated while the researchers continued to monitor them using ultrasounds. The study found that all the women started with an empty bladder, which began to fill during arousal. The post-ejaculation scans revealed that the participants’ bladders were empty again.
Researchers have concluded that all females create ejaculate but do not always expel it. Instead, the ejaculate sometimes returns to the bladder, which then passes during urination.
The ejaculate fluid is also sometimes mistaken for vaginal lubrication. But it is not the same as lubrication either. It doesn’t come from the vagina and it’s watery, not slippery.
When ejaculating, some women experience a gush, others just a trickle. In one encounter it could be trickle, and the next it could be like a geyser. It can be expelled during an orgasm, but can also happen with just a high level of arousal. It is individual to the woman and the encounter. According to a 2013 study of 320 participants, the amount of ejaculate released can range from approximately 0.3 milliliters (mL) to more than 150 mL. That’s more than half a cup!
Now this might seem strange or even gross to you. But all of the ancient spiritual sexuality traditions considered female ejaculate to be sacred medicine. In Tantra it’s called Amrita, meaning “the nectar of life” and it was collected in sacred ceremonies and either consumed for its holy and medicinal qualities, or directly expelled onto a lucky recipient by a priestess as a blessing and healing practice. This is a far cry from what most women think about their fluids today.
As in many things, there seem to be a spectrum of thoughts and emotions around female ejaculation. From the women who do it and hate it. The women who don’t even want to try it. The women who want it and haven’t learned how. And then women who love it. So why do some women want to learn how to do it? The simple answer is, it can feel amazing. For some, it doesn’t feel any different than an orgasm that occurs without ejaculations. For others, they describe a rising warmth and tremor between their thighs. But, if you think that you peed during sex or think that ejaculation is a problem or gross, of course it’s going to feel less than amazing and maybe even embaressing. But it really doesn’t have to. Like I said before, it’s not urine. There’s no reason to be embarrassed by something that is naturally happening with your body.
So let’s talk about learning how to gush, squirt, or ejaculate. Learning how to ejaculate is a skill that can be learned by all women, if they want to. And again, if you don’t want to, that’s totally ok! But if you do, you first need to understand two things.
- You need to have an accurate understanding of the physiology and the associated processes. The women’s arousal network is vast. According to the book She Comes First by Ian Kerner, there are 18 different parts. So if you want to understand all of these parts and processes I highly suggest either reading She Comes First or Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston. Both of these are where I am drawing a lot of this information from.
- The commitment to practice the relevant basic and advanced skills necessary to bring this about. That means understanding how women’s arousal works, how to become highly aroused, and how to have an orgasm.
So how does it work? For many women, ejaculation usually happens with prolonged stimulation of the urethral sponge and often with multiple orgasms. Being able to orgasm is essential before learning this more advanced skill.
How do you stimulate the urethral sponge? Ever heard of the g-spot? Yep, that’s it! The g-spot is located about an inch or so inside the vaginal opening on the upper vaginal wall (so if you are laying on your back, it would be on the top.). The spot often feels different than the rest of the vaginal canal. Especially as arousal occurs it can feel raised or bumpy. This spot, which stimulates the urethral sponge, can be stimulated with toys that are designed specifically for the g-spot, but is often best stimulated with fingers. If highly aroused or in certain positions it can also be stimulated by a penis.
I recommend stimulating the spot (after you or your partner are highly aroused) with two fingers moving in a “come hither” motion. Basically bending the fingers at the second knuckle. Don’t stress if it doesn’t work the first few times. It takes practice. But don’t become so fixated on making it happen that it takes away from your pleasure. You can have a fulfilling sex life regardless of whether you ejaculate or not.
What about the mess? Yes, squirting can cause quite the mess. So I always suggest preparing the space. Have a blanket or towel to put under you that can easily be thrown in the wash. I’ve even known couples to use puppy training pads.
Some other suggestions:
- Make sure you are well-hydrated
- Have a variety of toys on hand to try
- Start with an empty bladder so you aren’t worried that what is coming out is urine
And this brings up a great point. I’ve talked with many women who say that when they are highly aroused they get the sensation that they have to pee, which stops them from wanting to proceed, and they cut off the arousal process. Most likely (especially if you emptied your bladder before) this is the sensation that means you are going to squirt. Don’t suppress it! Just let it come! I promise, it’s awesome!
- Take lots of time getting aroused. You want that whole arousal network to be engorged.
- Have a “regular” orgasm (how you normally do) first then try
- Use lots of rhythmic stimulation until you/your partner feel that g-spot swell. It should almost feel squishy.
- As orgasm approaches, bear down with your belly and pelvic muscles, opening and pushing out
- Relax your mouth and throat. Open them.
- Make big, deep, low pitched open mouth sounds. Sounding is really important to arousal and orgasm. I think of those deep guttural sounds we make during labor
- As you ride the wave of your orgasm, continue to stimulate yourself, push and sound again, release, and let go, and then repeat!
- Try different positions.
- Experiment with different types of stimulation.
- Try playing with your breathing patterns and sounds
- Enjoy the orgasms whether you squirt or not!