Our mindset acts as a lens through which we perceive the world.  Have you considered the power of your thoughts when it comes to your sexual experiences? In today’s episode, we are going to delve into gaining sexual thought awareness and how those thoughts shape our most intimate moments. By cultivating awareness around our sexual thoughts, we can open doors to more mindful and fulfilling experiences.

Let’s start by talking about the mind-body connection.  Our thoughts hold immense influence over our bodies and emotions. When it comes to intimacy, our thoughts can either enhance or hinder the experience. By recognizing the connection between thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, we can more fully understand ourselves and what is happening in the bedroom.

The Power of Anticipation

Consider the excitement that blooms in your mind before engaging in intimate activities. And if you struggle with that now, think about how it was when you were dating and engaged.  Anticipation ignites a cascade of reactions within the body—increased heart rate, heightened sensitivity, and a rush of feel-good hormones. The mind’s anticipation sets the stage for the body’s response, making the connection palpable. So if you aren’t feeling that anticipation and maybe feeling something more like dread, understand that what you are feeling is coming from the way you are thinking about it.  Those heightened sensations and rush of feel good hormones aren’t going to come if you are dreading it.  So why are you?  What are the thought patterns there?

Emotional Landscape

Our emotions are integral to the sexual experience. Positive emotions like desire, love, and connection amplify physical sensations. Conversely, negative emotions like anxiety or shame can hinder the body’s natural response. Recognizing and understanding these emotional currents allows us to navigate our intimate moments more consciously.  And again, it really comes back to what you are thinking.  Are you thinking thoughts that create desire, connection, and love?  Or are you thinking things that create more anxiety and shame?

Mind Over Arousal

The mind plays a significant role in arousal. Erotic thoughts, fantasies, and even memories have the power to trigger physical responses, such as heightened blood flow and increased sensitivity. By cultivating a healthy relationship with our erotic imagination, we empower ourselves to access pleasure more fully.

Anxiety and Performance

Performance anxiety can disrupt the harmonious dance between the mind and body. When the mind is preoccupied with worries about performance or appearance, it diverts attention from the sensations at hand. Learning to manage anxiety through mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and open communication can help restore balance to the connection.

Mindfulness in Intimacy

Mindfulness—the practice of being present in the moment—deepens the sexual mind-body connection. When we’re fully engaged with our sensations, thoughts, and emotions, we experience intimacy on a heightened level. Mindfulness elevates our awareness, enhancing the quality of our connections and expanding our capacity for pleasure.

It is also normal for our mind to wander.  Mindfulness is the practice of just gently bringing your attention back to the present without judgment.  Most likely you will never be able to be present the entire time.  But if you can learn to be mindful, it can enhance your experience.

Rewiring Patterns

Past experiences can shape the sexual mind-body connection. Traumas, conditioning, and societal influences may have created associations between certain thoughts and physical reactions. Recognizing and rewiring these patterns through therapy or coaching, self-reflection, and open dialogue can foster healthier connections.  

Identifying the thought and belief patterns, the conditioning that you have is an important step in the rewiring process.  We need to first become aware before we can change.

Communicating Desire

Expressing our desires verbally and non-verbally bridges the gap between the mind and body. Verbalizing fantasies and preferences creates a pathway for our partners to understand and fulfill those desires. Non-verbal cues, such as touch and body language, further deepen the synchronization of the mind-body connection.  What gets in the way of this is when our partner shuts down this communication because of their own thought patterns, belief systems, and conditioning.  This is where coaching can be a big help.  

Self-Exploration

Exploring your own body—its contours, sensations, and preferences—establishes a profound connection between your mind and physical being. By engaging in self-pleasure and self-discovery, you become attuned to your body’s cues, making it easier to communicate your needs and desires to your partner.  I love to think about self-exploration as a meditation.  Really helping you explore your mind and body as a way to bring goodness and pleasure to yourself and your partner.

So now that we’ve discussed the mind-body connection, I hope you can see that your brain is your biggest sex organ.  The thoughts you have about sex are crucial to your experience.  When sex isn’t great or when you don’t have a desire for sex, it can often be traced back to your thoughts about it.  Having a good sexual mindset is a key factor in your sexual experience.  Consider how a shift in perspective can reshape your experiences. Imagine if we viewed sex with the same curiosity and excitement that we bring to new experiences and learning opportunities. By adopting an open mindset, we can invite newfound fulfillment into our lives.

Society often blankets sexuality in shame and guilt, leaving many with a distorted view of their own bodies and desires. To change our mindset around sex, we must first acknowledge the conditioning that we have experienced, gain awareness about what our current thinking is and what it is creating for us, and then start to shift things to create a better experience.

So if you have thoughts like 

• “I’m not going to have an orgasm”
• “Sex is hard”
• “Sex is a lot of work”
• “Sex takes a long time”
• “Sex is just for my partner”
• “I don’t have time for sex”
• “Let’s get this over with”

These kinds of thoughts are probably going to limit your experience.  And thoughts like that aren’t going to make it very easy to have a desire for it.  

If you think about someone who really loves sex, if you ask them their thoughts about it, they are pretty positive right?  

Thoughts like

• “Sex is awesome”
• “I love sex”
• “I love how close I feel to my partner”
• “Sex is for me”
• “Sex is fun and easy”

These thoughts aren’t heavy and dark.  They are easy and light.  That will affect what sex is like for you.

You have the power to change your sexual experience often by just changing your mindset around it.  In my coaching programs, I teach a systematic way of learning how to change your thoughts.  We all know what it’s like to try and change our thoughts to something new and it didn’t work.  That is often because we are jumping straight to a new thought or belief and our brain just won’t believe it…yet.  But I can teach you a way to change the way you think that does work.