In this episode we are continuing our discussion from last week, where we discussed Level 1 sex.  Today we’re delving into Level 2 Sex. Now, Level 2 Sex is an interesting space to explore. It’s that zone where you’re not quite at the peak of desire, but you’re certainly not in the valley of disinterest either. It’s like standing at the edge of a pool, dipping your toe in, but not fully diving in just yet.

So, what exactly is Level 2 Sex? Well, it’s often still about meeting your spouse’s “needs”, but with a deeper emotional engagement. It’s about recognizing that sex is more than just a physical act; it’s about connecting hearts and minds, not just bodies.

In Level 2 Sex, you may find yourself wanting to be a “good wife” or partner, wanting to show love and affection to your spouse. There’s a desire for mutual enjoyment and pleasure, but there’s also a lot of hesitation. You might still be the gatekeeper of sex, controlling when and how it happens, even though you’re participating more willingly and happily than before.

Now, let’s talk about what Level 2 Sex isn’t. It’s not just going through the motions to fulfill a duty or obligation. It’s not about simply satisfying your partner’s physical needs while ignoring your own. It’s not selfish; it’s about giving, but perhaps not fully receiving yet.  

So, why do people find themselves in this space? Well, for many, it’s a step up from Level 1 Sex, where the quality is better, but there’s still a lack of awareness of their own needs for sexual intimacy and expression. It’s a place where you’re more engaged, more present, but still not fully awakened to your own desires and pleasures.

But here’s the thing: Level 2 Sex is a journey, not a destination. It offers a host of benefits that can greatly enhance both individual well-being and the overall quality of the relationship. Here are some reasons why someone might want to transition to Level 2 sex:

• Increased satisfaction: Level 2 sex prioritizes mutual pleasure and emotional connection, resulting in a more fulfilling and satisfying experience for both partners. It allows individuals to explore their desires and experience deeper levels of intimacy with their partner.
• Improved communication: Moving to Level 2 sex requires open and honest communication about desires, boundaries, and preferences. This can lead to better understanding and connection between partners, strengthening the overall bond in the relationship.
• Enhanced intimacy: Level 2 sex fosters a sense of closeness and connection between partners, promoting emotional intimacy alongside physical pleasure. Couples who engage in Level 2 sex often report feeling more connected and in tune with each other’s needs.
• Greater pleasure: By prioritizing mutual satisfaction and exploring new techniques and experiences, Level 2 sex can lead to increased pleasure and enjoyment for both partners. It allows individuals to fully embrace their own desires and pleasure without guilt or shame.
• Relationship satisfaction: A healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship is often correlated with overall relationship satisfaction. Moving to Level 2 sex can help strengthen the foundation of the relationship and promote greater happiness and fulfillment for both partners. 

By itself, Level 2 can be great.  And many couples are happy to live here.  Despite the numerous benefits of Level 2 sex, making the transition can still be challenging for some individuals. Here are some reasons why moving to Level 2 sex might be difficult:

• Fear of vulnerability: Engaging in Level 2 sex requires vulnerability and openness, which can be intimidating for some individuals. It may involve stepping outside of their comfort zone and confronting any insecurities or fears they have about intimacy.
• Unlearning old habits: If someone has been accustomed to Level 1 sex for a long time, it can be challenging to break free from ingrained patterns and beliefs about sex. Moving to Level 2 sex requires unlearning old habits and adopting new attitudes and behaviors.  Coaching can be really helpful for this.
• Communication barriers: Effective communication is essential for Level 2 sex, but it can be difficult for some individuals to express their desires and needs openly and honestly. Overcoming communication barriers and learning to communicate effectively about sex can take time and practice. This is one of the things that I work on with couples in my couples coaching program.
• Resisting societal norms: Society often perpetuates certain norms and expectations around sex, which can make it difficult for individuals to prioritize their own pleasure and needs in the bedroom. Moving to Level 2 sex may require challenging these societal norms and embracing a more sex-positive mindset.
• Addressing underlying issues: Moving to Level 2 sex may require addressing underlying issues within the relationship, such as unresolved conflicts, trust issues, or emotional barriers. It may involve seeking support from a professional to get through these issues and create a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

Despite these challenges, moving to Level 2 sex is achievable with dedication, communication, and a willingness to prioritize intimacy and pleasure in the relationship. It requires both partners to be committed to growth and exploration, but the rewards of a deeper, more satisfying connection make the effort worthwhile.

Let’s break this down into how men and women can individually contribute to moving towards Level 2 sex.

Men: 

• Increased Emotional Engagement: Men in Level 2 sex demonstrate a deeper emotional engagement compared to Level 1. They may express their love, affection, and care for their partner more openly, fostering a stronger emotional connection during sexual encounters.
• Willing Participation: In Level 2 sex, men participate more willingly and happily compared to Level 1. They may initiate sexual activity or respond to their partner’s advances with enthusiasm and eagerness, demonstrating a mutual desire for intimacy.
• Communication Improvement: Men in Level 2 sex tend to communicate more openly and effectively about their desires, boundaries, and preferences. They may feel more comfortable expressing their needs and actively listening to their partner’s desires, leading to a more satisfying sexual experience for both.
• Mutual Pleasure and Enjoyment: In Level 2 sex, there is a greater emphasis on mutual pleasure and enjoyment for men. They prioritize the satisfaction of their partner’s needs and desires, seeking to create a mutually fulfilling sexual experience characterized by pleasure and intimacy.
• Exploration and Experimentation: Men may engage in exploration and experimentation to enhance their sexual experiences in Level 2. They may try new techniques, positions, or activities to discover what brings them and their partner pleasure, fostering a sense of excitement and adventure in their sexual relationship.
• Increased Awareness of Individual Needs: In Level 2 sex, men demonstrate a growing awareness of their individual needs for sexual intimacy and expression. They become more attuned to their own desires and boundaries, as well as those of their partner, leading to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
• Shared Responsibility: Men in Level 2 sex share responsibility for the quality of their sexual relationship. They recognize that creating a fulfilling sexual connection requires effort and investment from both partners, and they actively work together to nurture their intimacy and connection.

Women:

• Increased Emotional Engagement: Women in Level 2 sex demonstrate a deeper emotional engagement compared to Level 1. They may express their love, affection, and care for their partner more openly, fostering a stronger emotional connection during sexual encounters.
• Willing Participation: In Level 2 sex, women participate more willingly and happily compared to Level 1. They may initiate sexual activity or respond to their partner’s advances with enthusiasm and eagerness, demonstrating a mutual desire for intimacy.
• Communication Improvement: Women in Level 2 sex tend to communicate more openly and effectively about their desires, boundaries, and preferences. They may feel more comfortable expressing their needs and actively listening to their partner’s desires, leading to a more satisfying sexual experience for both.
• Mutual Pleasure and Enjoyment: In Level 2 sex, there is a greater emphasis on mutual pleasure and enjoyment for women. They prioritize the satisfaction of not only their partner’s needs and desires, but their own as well, seeking to create a mutually fulfilling sexual experience characterized by pleasure and intimacy.
• Exploration and Experimentation: Women may engage in exploration and experimentation to enhance their sexual experiences in Level 2. They may try new techniques, positions, or activities to discover what brings them and their partner pleasure, fostering a sense of excitement and adventure in their sexual relationship. They are usually more open to experimenting on their own so they can share their newfound knowledge to enhance the experience with their spouse.
• Increased Awareness of Individual Needs: In Level 2 sex, women demonstrate a growing awareness of their individual needs for sexual intimacy and expression. They become more attuned to their own desires and boundaries, as well as those of their partner, leading to a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
• Shared Responsibility: Women in Level 2 sex share responsibility for the quality of their sexual relationship. They recognize that creating a fulfilling sexual connection requires effort and investment from both partners, and they actively work together to nurture their intimacy and connection.

Level 2 sex is a stepping stone towards something deeper and more fulfilling.  So, if you find yourself in the realm of Level 2 Sex, know that you’re not alone. It’s a common stage in many relationships, but it’s also a place of growth and potential. 

And while Level 2 sex represents an improvement from Level 1 in terms of emotional engagement and willingness to participate, there can still be some downsides or challenges associated with this stage:

• Lack of Full Satisfaction: Despite the increased emotional engagement, Level 2 sex may still fall short of providing the deep satisfaction and fulfillment that couples ultimately desire. There may be lingering feelings of dissatisfaction or unmet needs, particularly if one or both partners are not fully present or engaged.
• Hesitation and Inhibition: In Level 2 sex, there may still be lingering hesitation or inhibition, preventing couples from fully letting go and experiencing the full depth of intimacy and pleasure. This hesitancy can stem from unresolved issues, past traumas, or societal conditioning that inhibit authentic expression and vulnerability.
• Continued Role of Obligation: While Level 2 sex involves more willingness and participation compared to Level 1, there may still be an underlying sense of obligation or duty driving sexual encounters. This can lead to feelings of resentment or dissatisfaction if one partner feels pressured to engage in sex despite not fully wanting to.
• Limited Exploration and Growth: Couples in Level 2 sex may still be hesitant to fully explore their desires and boundaries or experiment with new activities or fantasies. This reluctance to push beyond their comfort zones can limit sexual growth and prevent couples from reaching deeper levels of intimacy and connection.
• Unequal Participation: Despite improvements in willingness and participation, there may still be disparities in how much each partner contributes to sexual encounters. One partner may still feel like they’re doing most of the emotional or physical work, leading to feelings of imbalance or resentment within the relationship.
• Struggle with Moving Forward: Couples in Level 2 sex may find it challenging to progress to Level 3, where sex is characterized by a deep emotional and spiritual connection. There may be underlying fears or barriers that prevent them from fully embracing vulnerability and intimacy, keeping them stuck in a state of emotional limbo.

Overall, while Level 2 sex represents a positive step towards deeper intimacy and connection, it’s important for couples to be aware of and address any lingering challenges or downsides that may prevent them from fully experiencing the depth of intimacy and pleasure that they desire. This may involve open communication, willingness to explore new avenues of intimacy, and a commitment to mutual growth and fulfillment within the relationship. 

Next week, we will talk all about Level 3 sex and how to get there.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected. Goodbye for now.