Are you contemplating divorce? It’s a big decision. In this episode I share 5 things I think you should before you make that decision.
Hey everyone! My name is Amanda Louder and I am a life coach. I specialize working with primarily LDS women (but I work with other women and men) who despite having in done everything in their power to build a healthy relationship they are still unhappy and unfulfilled in their marriage. Most of them feel like divorce is their next option and they’ve exhausted their resources and don’t see any hope at this point.
I have a unique understanding of the difficulties these women face, because I’ve been there myself. My personal experience has given me the ability and the desire to dedicate myself to helping others come to a personal understanding of their relationships. I teach women to live from love. To be confident, and happy, and empowered, and find peace as they choose to stay in their marriage or decide that relationship is complete.
The question I get asked most frequently is “Should I get Divorced”
People ask me all the time if they should get divorced. And honestly, I don’t know. Every situation is different. What is acceptable to one is not acceptable to another. I think in MOST instances, the answer is no. But again, I’m not living in your situation. I don’t know your heart, your mind, and what is inside you. YOU are the only one that can decide that. But, I can tell you a few things you should do in order to help you make that decision.
1. Build yourself up spiritually. Do the work. Read your scriptures EVERY day. Say your prayers morning and night. Go to the temple if you are able to. Fast often. Bring the spirit into your heart and don’t give Him any cause to leave. He will comfort you and provide you guidance as you make your decision. Utilize the Sacrament and fully repent for anything you need to. Use the Atonement and give your hurt over to the only one who can help you.
2. Make sure you are in a good place mentally. If you are feeling strong and good about yourself, you will be able to make a decision much more clearly. You will want what is best for YOU so that you can be happy long term. Seek counseling from a qualified therapist and get balanced on medication if needed.
3. Love your spouse. Serve your spouse. Do kind things for them. Even when it’s hard. Even when they don’t reciprocate. Even when they are mean to you. Try to look at them through the Savior’s eyes. How would He treat them? Try to have love and compassion for them as the Savior would, even when THEY aren’t being their best self. Make a list of things you love and appreciate about them. Focus on those and not their faults.
4. Live in the present. Choose how you want to show up in that moment. Do you want to show up with love and confidence, or with anger and resentment? Don’t live in the past (you can’t change that) and don’t live in the future (I’d be happy if….). Get to a place of peace and happiness before you make any decisions.
5. Set boundaries (out of love for yourself) for unacceptable behavior. If you do ___________________ then I will do ___________________. Be firm in your boundaries and follow through. ie: If you talk to me this way, then I will leave the house until you have calmed down, etc.
I firmly believe that if you follow these guidelines the Lord will guide you to know what is the right decision. A decision such as this should be made in peace and love. Not in anger, hate, or resentment. When you can come to place of peace, love, and understanding, then you can make the right decision with the Lord on your side. You can look back with no regrets. You can move forward with confidence. You can be happy no matter the circumstance because you choose to think good thoughts. No one can tell you if you should get divorced or not. But YOU know the answer. You know what the right thing is. Trust yourself.
The ONLY time this does not apply is if you or your children and in physical danger. If that is the case, my recommendation is get yourself and your children somewhere safe immediately.