Today’s podcast looks at how to deal with grief, intimacy and fear after losing a baby. My guest, Amy Watson, is a life coach who helps mom’s who have had pregnancy or baby loss at any point. Amy shares how she and her husband grieved differently and how they worked together to be intimate even when it felt terrifying. Join me in this heartfelt story of carrying on through the challenge of loss.
Amy Watson is life coach who helps moms who have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss or any type of baby loss at any point. She helps them work through their grief and build a beautiful life – even without all of their babies here with them.
Amy had four children when she found herself dealing with the loss of her baby girl, Lauren. She was delivered just a few days prior to her due date – and she was a beautiful, perfect baby. Then a few years later she lost her baby boy, River at 14 weeks.
They decided to have another baby soon after Lauren died- but were both terrified. They dealt with their anxieties very differently. Amy tried to put on the front that she was doing just fine, but inside she was crumbling. She was taking care of her kids and functioning, but the anxiety of losing another baby was heavy. She had just gone through an entire pregnancy and with no warning or reason, lost her baby girl. Nothing felt sure or safe. There were hormones to deal with, fears to face and excitement for another baby to arrive – all wrapped into one.
They decided to keep the pregnancy hidden for the first half of the pregnancy as a way to protect themselves. The marriage was struggling. Her husband threw himself into his work as a way to manage his thoughts and emotions, while Amy was openly grieving. She wanted to feel and communicate her pain – while he did not. Those fears crept into their sex life. There was fear of hurting this next baby – guilt for pleasure – and other emotions playing a role in the intimate part of their marriage.
The reality is that this loss – the death – as well as pleasure and intimacy all are within the same space of a woman’s body. That can be traumatizing – and it was for them. They worked hard and realized that physical connection – with or without sex – can be healing. They opened up to the idea that it might even be possible to comfort one another through intercourse – even when the grieving is so vastly different for each.
Amy shares her advice on how to grieve and process all the emotions that are swirling inside. She advises to be patient and compassionate with yourself and your spouse.
It can take time and understanding before one or both of you are actually ready for sex, but no matter what – find ways to be intimate. Ways beyond the act itself. Find new ways to create intimacy in your marriage – when sex just doesn’t feel possible. . .physically, emotionally or mentally.