Episode 84 – Why Coaching?

Do you think you don’t need coaching because things aren’t that bad?  We hire coaches for other areas of our lives, not when things are bad, but when we want to get better at anything.  So why hire a life coach? To get better at life!  Why hire a sex coach? To get better at sex!  Even when things are good, they can always be better. 

Show Notes:

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Show Summary:

Have you ever heard about someone or a couple going to therapy, and your immediate thought was, “oh, something must be really wrong.” And it wasn’t necessarily judgment (although it could be), but there is a stigma that getting help for something must mean that something is wrong. This stigma keeps people and couples from seeking help. They don’t want to get help unless things are horrible. And often, by then, it’s too late.

What would happen to your car if you never got an oil change? If you never rotated or put on new tires? If you didn’t get new belts? Or a new battery? Your car would die, right? Your car needs constant maintenance for it to run well.  

I want to tell you about my husband’s job for a minute. My husband is a mechanical engineer. He works at a pork processing plant. They receive the meat and package it to send out to grocery stores in our area. They use a lot of machines to do the packaging, and his job, as the plant engineer, is to hire mechanics, and with them, keep all the machines running. When he first started working at this job, machines were breaking down all of the time. It was a constant battle to keep them running. This was really stressful because the entire plant would often have to shut down, meat wouldn’t get packaged. It wasn’t good. For years before he came on board, the machines had only been worked on when there was a problem; when they broke down. They weren’t receiving regular maintenance to keep them in tip-top condition. But now, after working there for many years, my husband has all of the machines working pretty well and receiving regular maintenance, and there are far fewer breakdowns. He can now spend a lot of his time making improvements to the machines and the plant. By making these improvements, he is not only maintaining the machines but making them and the plant run even better. In fact, he’s received many company awards for it.

How does this apply to your sex life and your marriage? Many people wait until there is a huge problem to seek help. They feel like they are weak, abnormal, or that they should just know how to do this. That they shouldn’t ask for help with their sexuality or their relationship with their spouse unless they are on the brink of divorce. They aren’t doing regular maintenance and continually looking for ways to improve things.  

When your child wants to become better at something, what do you do? When they want to learn how or become better at playing the piano or the violin, what do you do? When they want to become better at dance, basketball, gymnastics, or tennis, what do you do? You hire them a teacher or a coach. You hire someone that can help them and guide them to getting better at something. You are willing to INVEST in their future and something they could be really good at, by hiring someone who can help them.

But people don’t just hire coaches when they are struggling with something, right? Coaches are there to help anyone, at any level improve. I was listening to a podcast with pro golfer Ben Crane. He talked about always trying to improve and get better at his golf game. He wanted incremental improvements each and every day to get better. He has a coach that works with him on his swing. He has a coach that works with him on his workouts so that physically, he will be in tip-top shape. He has a physical therapist with him on the course. He has a mental coach to help with his mental exercises and planning his strategy and pre-shot routine. He has a nutritionist.  He has a manager. A caddy. All of these people he has hired to help him improve. And he’s a pro.

Coaching, especially with sex, isn’t just for people who are struggling. If you are struggling, yes, I can absolutely help you. But coaching can help anyone, at any level, to improve. I’ve actually talked to a lot of my coaching friends about this. We have all spent hours upon hours self-coaching and being coached by peer coaches, and master coaches to improve every aspect of our lives. Yet, most of my friends say that they haven’t done any work in this area of their life and they probably should because it can always improve.  

I understand that sexuality can be really difficult to talk about and open up about. Overcoming our cultural and religious feelings and myths about sex can seem scary. But just the act of talking to someone about it (during coaching) helps to ease this discomfort and helps you begin to open up and discover this wonderful power that helps to bond you with your spouse. You don’t need to separate sexuality and spirituality. They are very closely linked and should be viewed as complimenting each other, not resisting each other. As you learn to integrate your sexuality, spirituality, and self, you will feel more comfortable in your own skin and see every area of your life improve.

I also want to tell you what coaching isn’t. In a coaching session, it’s not my job to tell you what to do. I may offer suggestions based on my knowledge and experience, but you always get to decide what you want for yourself. Even with coaching on sex, I don’t need to do the nitty-gritty details of your sex life. I don’t need to know what went where and who did what in the bedroom last night. My concern isn’t as much about what is happening physically, but more about what is happening mentally. Sex begins in the mind, and it’s my job to help you see what your thoughts are creating for you, and then you get to decide if you want things to be different or not.

One of the biggest benefits of coaching (besides great sex) is that the tools and principals you learn can be applied in all other aspects of your life. As you up-level your sex life and your marriage, you will see results in your work, your parenting, in your other relationships, and in your ability to honor your word to yourself. You will be able to create the life for yourself that you have always dreamed of. You will be able to take what you have learned and also be able to help others that you interact with like your children, your in-laws, your friends, your coworkers.  

I think one of the biggest concerns people have about coaching is the cost. And I get it, we all have expenses. Most of us don’t just have a lot of extra money lying around. But if your child needs braces, you’ll find the money. If you have your heart set on taking the kids to Disneyland this year, you’ll find the money. If your marriage is completely falling apart and this is your last hope, you’ll find the money.  It’s about priorities, prioritizing what is most important. We are willing to pay for so many things that are far less important in the eternal picture. Why are we not willing to prioritize our marriage or one of the most important aspects of our marriage? Your sexual relationship will hopefully be going on for the rest of your lives and into the eternities. Don’t you want to take the time and money to make it amazing? What would you be willing to give up to have the marriage of your dreams? Don’t wait until it’s falling apart.

I understand that sex and marriage is about two people. I am a firm believer that you can have amazing results even if only one person is doing the work. But, if you feel like it would be beneficial for both of you to have coaching, I am totally on board. Progress can often be quicker when both of you are learning the same things and working towards the same goals. So if you want to come to coaching as a couple, that is great. We can structure a program that fits your goals as a couple with some sessions together and some sessions alone for each of you. While I primarily market to women, there are plenty of men who need help in this area as well. So I am happy to work with just men, just women, or both of you together. To make this more affordable, I do have my referral program that I mentioned in the intro. That $100 discount per referral absolutely applies to your spouse.  Take advantage of that.

Now, I do get a lot of questions about why you need coaching when you’ve already seen huge improvements just from listening to this and maybe other podcasts. It makes me so happy to hear that what you are learning here is helping. But coaching is different. In coaching, we can take the tools and ideas that you learn here on the podcast and apply them directly to your situation. And I’ve got a lot more tricks up my sleeve that I don’t share here on the podcast that can help you. But those are only available in coaching sessions with me.

I want to remind you of what some of my clients have said after coaching with me.

“I am amazed how good I feel after coaching with you. I am in a different space.”

“Coaching has changed my sexy life and my relationship with my husband completely.”

“Coaching has helped me lessen my reaction to things and completely changed the way I am thinking.”

“Amanda’s coaching helped me to view my thoughts in a way that will give me the results I want in the relationship, regardless of the behavior of the other person.”

“Amanda is an AMAZING life coach! She was able to listen to my story & help bring awareness to EXACTLY how I was feeling (something that was hard for me to pinpoint at the time.) She helped me clarify what I REALLY wanted in my life. I highly recommend her to anyone, for any problem!”

“I just always felt uncomfortable with sexual things, so I would suppress everything about it. I know it sounds crazy and I didn’t even fully realize I was doing it. But after coaching, I almost feel like a different person. Being able to open up and be more comfortable about sex felt really renewing. The best part was how close and connected I felt to my wife. It really felt like a celestial relationship. The physical connection is definitely enjoyable, but I love the emotional connection I feel. Our relationship is so much better. I love being close to her and miss her when I’m not with her. I feel much more at peace with myself because I’m not subconsciously suppressing a natural drive and feeling. I feel more patient and loving with the kids. I even feel better, spiritually. It’s been so great.”

If you have never been coached or never seen coaching, it is truly life-changing. I highly recommend that you sign up for a FREE mini session with me and just see. You have NOTHING to lose and it only takes 20 minutes.

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