Episode 210 – Blue Balls & Blue Beans

blue balls

Are you reluctant to show any affection towards your husband because then he’ll want sex and you’ll have to give it to him? Maybe you’ve been told that when your husband has an erection but doesn’t have an orgasm, he is in actual pain. What if I told you that this is WRONG! Thinking like this makes women feel like we are just objects to relieve their desires. It doesn’t need to be that way. (And guys, women get this too.) Listen to this episode to find out the truth about blue balls and blue beans!

blue balls

Show Notes:

Show Summary:

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How many of you are reluctant to display any sort of physical affection to your husband because you think he will get aroused?  And if he gets aroused, then of course he wants sex, and then of course you need to give it to him and satisfy that for him?  Sound familiar?

In a Facebook group I am in, a discussion came up about “Blue Balls.”  Now, if you aren’t familiar with that term, let me tell you what it refers to.

Medically speaking, “blue balls” are known as epididymal hypertension (EH).

When a man becomes sexually aroused, blood flows into the penis and creates the erect penis.  This process is called vasocongestion.  If the man reaches orgasm and releases, his genitals should return to their normal size.  If he’s unable to orgasm and ejaculate, the blood pooled into his penis can remain and create a painful pressure on his testicles.  A bluish color appears when blood fills the vessels in his testicles. This typically causes an aching or even some pain in the testicles, much like a man has been kicked in the balls, and refers to the testicles feeling like they are bruised.  Some men experience discomfort for a few minutes, others say it can last up to three hours.  And the best way to cure it is to have an orgasm.  

In an article I was reading on the subject, men said that “blue balls are the worst and the “meanest” sexual act a woman can do to a guy.  It’s a term that makes women feel guilty, as if their only job is to finish the man off.”

Many women were led to believe that if their husband had an erection that was not resolved with an orgasm then they would be physically hurting.  And not wanting their husband to be in pain, felt it was their job to make sure that their husband had an orgasm, even if they weren’t in the mood for sex.  It sounds very benevolent but causes all sorts of issues, like duty sex and women feeling like they are only an object or receptacle for his desires.  It also explains why women often feel like we have to give our husband sex every time he gets aroused.  Which also explains why we are often reluctant to be physically affectionate at all.  Because if we are affectionate, he might get aroused, and then he will want sex and then you have to give it to him so he won’t be in pain.  Right? WRONG!

So what is the truth about blue balls?

  1. Blue balls are normal, but not necessarily common.  It is more likely to appear in young men if they become aroused easily or if they practice masturbation techniques that delay orgasm.  But for most men, it’s a rare occurrence.
  2. Blue balls are not dangerous.  If it occurs, discomfort should subside once the erection has passed and blood flow to the genitals returns to normal.
  3. A person does not need a partner to relieve blue balls through sex.  They can get rid of the symptoms through masturbation, by engaging in a non-arousing activity to distract them, taking a cold shower, exercise, or a warm compress to the area.  Ibuprofen may help with more intense pain.

I hate to say it, but I think many men use blue balls to coerce or pressure their wives to have sex with them. They play on our desire to nurture and take care of them.  Men can exaggerate or even make up that they are in pain, when they really aren’t.  After seeing this thread in the Facebook group, a woman said her husband complains about pain at least once a month, but when she confronted him with this new information, he said he’s really only experienced it 3 times in his life and just constantly exaggerates!

So now that you have some education, I think it’s time for some frank conversations IF your husband says he is in pain if he gets aroused and doesn’t have sex.  Is that really true or is he exaggerating?  If it’s true, he can relieve himself in other ways, you don’t have to relieve it for him.  But, there may also be some other possible causes of pain or discomfort in the testicles:

  • Diabetic Neuropathy — This is a type of nerve damage that occurs when someone has diabetes.
  • Epididymitis — This occurs when the tube behind the testicles (epididymis) gets swollen.
  • Kidney Stones — Aside from testicular pain, you’ll also feel a burning sensation while urinating as well as nausea and vomiting.
  • Testicular Cancer — This occurs when malignant cells develop in your testicle’s tissues.
  • Orchitis — This happens when there’s an inflammation in one or both of the testicles.
  • Testicular Torsion – which is a medical emergency that might require immediate surgery. This is caused by a quick twisting of the testicles which cuts off blood flow to the testicles.

So if you or your husband are experiencing pain, it might be a good idea to be checked out by a urologist.

While we are on the subject…have you heard of Blue Bean?  This is the female equivalent of blue balls, the bean referring to the clitoris.  When a woman becomes sexually aroused, her clitoris will harden and swell with blood.  The vaginal walls and labia will also get pumped with blood.  When a woman fails to reach orgasm, it can often have the same effect of epididymal hypertension and some discomfort or pain in the pelvis.  Some women describe it as a bowling ball sitting on their pelvic floor.  Remedies are the same as they are for men.

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