Christmas can be such a great time to connect with your spouse. We often neglect this because things are so focused on the kids. But with a little intention, you can make this a great holiday to really connect and find moments together to strengthen your relationship.

Many times spouses have a few days off around the holidays, so you can stay up later and spend time together. Or put a movie on for the kids or send them out sledding and sneak away to the bedroom for a little bit of time. It’s kind of a perfect romantic setting with lights from the Christmas tree or candles. So take advantage of those times.

A great way to create a sexy Christmas is to give each other some sexy gifts. So, I’ve got some gift ideas for you.

1. Give gifts that help you spend more time together: date nights, concerts, plays, a romantic restaurant, or even tickets for a vacation.

The last few years, my husband has given me a trip to Mexico for Christmas. It’s one of our favorite spots to go together. We love being able to get away somewhere tropical. Something about being together and wearing very little clothing just does something for you. The novelty of being away in a new place without the kids is great for your sex life. But even a weekend away to a hotel nearby or something could be fantastic. Just make it a gift that you know your spouse is going to enjoy.

2. Sexy sleepwear 

Your family probably has the tradition of giving the kids new pajamas around Christmas. Why not do that for your spouse as well. Maybe it’s lingerie (which a man can give his wife, or a wife can give her husband), or a silky robe. You can give men some silk boxers to some tight boxer briefs. Or maybe a sexy nightie or pajamas. But that is a fun way to incorporate a tradition you do for the kids with each other.

3. Clothing

Clothing can be very intimate, even if it’s not underwear. Think about something you find particularly attractive on your spouse and give them that. I love my husband in v-neck t-shirts. So I love to give him things that I find particularly attractive on him.

4. Books

Books don’t sound very sexy, but they can be. Maybe you give your spouse a book about a particular aspect of sex that you’ve talked about improving. She Comes First is a great book that teaches men the art of pleasuring their wives. That would be a fantastic gift for both of you. You can also give them a book you can read together. I highly recommend the book Eight Dates by John Gottman. You could also do a book of poetry if you are both into that kind of thing. The possibilities are endless.

5. A journal

Now, this idea is really for next year. But get a journal and write down something you love about your spouse every day for a year and give it to them for Christmas next year. This could be an amazing gift for them, especially if you are struggling at all in your relationship. You could also give them a journal this year, and you both take turns writing things you love and appreciate about the other person. You write something and then put it by their bed, and when they write something, they put it by your side of the bed, and it just goes back and forth.

6. A coupon book

Now, this can seem a little juvenile, but it could be a really fun way to spice things up in the bedroom. You can make a little coupon book for things you want to try or willing to do in the bedroom. And it doesn’t all have to be sexual. It could be a massage or doing a chore. But make sure you throw some fun things in there as well.

7. Redo the master bedroom

This one could be a more significant gift that you give each other but could be a great idea. Your bedroom should be a sanctuary — a place where you connect. Redoing the room with new paint and new bedding could be just the change you need to spice things up. Your bedroom should look like a hotel room, not the laundry room or catch-all.

8. Sexy photoshoot

I don’t know many husbands who wouldn’t want this! Whether you get a boudoir shoot professionally done or just take a few photos on your phone with the self-timer, a sexy photoshoot is sure to make your husband happy.

When choosing a gift for your spouse, as long as you make it meaningful, it will be sexy. It’s about knowing them and their likes and dislikes and thinking about them that way that creates intimacy.

Have some time set aside during the season for each other. Take time away from the kids where you open specific gifts for each other and use that time to connect. Maybe it’s Christmas Eve after the kids have gone to bed. Perhaps it’s a few days before or after. Just be intentional and spend time together and share with each other what you want to give them this Christmas season and the coming year.

Christmas away from home

If you are spending Christmas away from home, at your parents or the in-laws, things can be, well, less than sexy. Sometimes sex is the last thing on our mind after traveling and dealing with kids and in-laws, the dynamics of extended family, shopping, and wrapping. It can be exhausting. It’s essential to set aside time and space for each other and be intentional about it.

If you are going out of town for Christmas or just visiting a lot of family and in different environments, these things can naturally make you not as connected to your spouse because you are out of your regular routine. Make sure you have a conversation about expectations. Is there an expectation of no sex while staying at your parent’s house? Is your spouse’s expectation the same? How can you purposely connect with each other during this time? If you are not able to have sex where you are, or it’s really limited, how can you connect in other ways? Through touch, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, rubbing each others backs. If you let your partner know ahead of time what would be nice, you plant that idea in their head, and it’s more likely going to happen. You also make sure you are on the same page so that expectations are being met.

It’s probably not sexy sleeping in your old bedroom with your parents in the next room. Or maybe it is! Perhaps you find the part of having to be really quiet and sneaky about sex exhilarating. Sneaky, quiet sex can be fun. Maybe take some condoms so that cleanup is minimal if you don’t have private access to a bathroom. Pack some wet wipes and an extra towel. By planning ahead, you make things much more feasible, given the environment.

Another idea is while you are away, is see if your family will watch your kids for a night, and you guys get away to a hotel room. Or maybe you just get one for a few hours in the afternoon while you tell your family that you’re out Christmas shopping. That can be a great way to connect if sex in your parent’s house is uncomfortable or impossible.

By communicating about your expectations and planning ahead, you can still make Christmas sexy even when you are away from home.

Have a Merry Christmas, my friends. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with lots and lots of connection and sex. See you next week!