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You know what nobody talks about on their first date? Hygiene. And you know what can absolutely destroy even the most passionate relationship? Also hygiene. We’re diving into something today that might make you squirm a little, but trust me—getting this right means better sex, fewer awkward conversations, and way less time at the doctor’s office.

So let’s talk about sexual hygiene. Not the scary, clinical version. The real, practical, “here’s what actually matters” version.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Here’s the thing: good sexual hygiene isn’t just about avoiding infections—though that’s obviously important. It’s about feeling confident. It’s about respecting your partner. It’s about creating an environment where intimacy can thrive without worry.

Think about it this way. Megan had been with her husband Derek for three years. Their sex life was good, but she noticed she kept getting yeast infections. After the fourth one in six months, she finally connected the dots—Derek wasn’t washing his hands before touching her, and they weren’t cleaning their toys properly. One conversation and some habit changes later? No more infections, and she felt so much more relaxed during sex.

That’s the power of getting this right.

The Basics: Your Body

Let’s start with the foundation—taking care of your own body. And I’m going to be specific here because vague advice helps nobody.

For vulva owners: wash the external area—the vulva—with warm water daily. You can use a mild, unscented soap on the outer labia and the area around your thighs, but here’s what’s crucial: do NOT use soap inside the vagina. The vagina is self-cleaning. It has its own pH balance, its own ecosystem of good bacteria. When you douche or use harsh soaps inside, you’re destroying that balance and actually increasing your risk of infections.

I know the commercials and the products on the pharmacy shelves might make you think you need special vaginal washes or scented sprays. You don’t. In fact, those products often cause more problems than they solve. A healthy vagina has a smell—it’s not supposed to smell like flowers or vanilla. If there’s a strong, fishy odor or something that seems off, that’s a sign to see a doctor, not to buy a scented product.

For penis owners: pull back the foreskin if you’re uncircumcised and wash underneath with warm water and mild soap. This area can trap smegma—a combination of dead skin cells, oils, and moisture—which can build up and cause odor or irritation. Circumcised or not, wash the entire area including the shaft, testicles, and the area between your genitals and anus.

Here’s something both partners need to hear: wash before sex if you can, especially if it’s been a hot day or you’ve been exercising. I’m not saying you need to jump in the shower every single time—spontaneity matters too. But a quick wash with a washcloth can make a huge difference in comfort for both of you.

And after sex? Pee. Seriously, within 15-30 minutes, both of you should urinate. This helps flush out any bacteria that might have been introduced during sex. For vulva owners especially, this is one of the best defenses against UTIs.

Hands, Nails, and Touch

Let’s talk about hands because this is where so many people mess up without realizing it.

Your hands touch everything. Doorknobs, phones, keyboards, money. Before you touch your partner’s genitals, wash your hands with soap and water. Not hand sanitizer—actual soap and water for at least 20 seconds.

And nails? Keep them trimmed and filed smooth. Jagged nails can cause micro-tears in delicate tissue, which not only hurts but also creates an entry point for bacteria. If you’re someone who loves long nails, consider keeping at least your pointer and middle fingers short, or be really careful about how you touch your partner.

Cameron learned this the hard way. He’d been manually stimulating his wife Priya for years without issue, until one week when she developed a painful infection. Turns out he’d been doing yard work that weekend and had dirt under his nails he couldn’t see. One small oversight, one trip to urgent care, and a lot of guilt. Now he’s meticulous about scrubbing under his nails before any intimate touch.

The Toy Talk

If you use sex toys—and many of you do—listen up, because this is where things can get dicey fast.

Every toy needs to be cleaned before and after every single use. I don’t care if you’re the only one using it. I don’t care if you’re exhausted after amazing sex. Clean. Your. Toys.

How you clean them depends on what they’re made of:

For silicone, glass, or stainless steel toys without motors: you can boil them for 3-5 minutes or run them through the dishwasher (top rack, no soap). For toys with motors: wash with warm water and mild antibacterial soap, or use a toy cleaner specifically designed for sex toys. Make sure to clean all the ridges, textures, and seams where bacteria love to hide.

For porous materials like jelly rubber or some types of plastic: honestly, I’d recommend avoiding these altogether. They can’t be fully sterilized, they can harbor bacteria even after cleaning, and they often contain phthalates which aren’t great for your body. If you have them, use condoms over them and replace them regularly.

Here’s what a lot of people don’t think about: storage. Don’t just toss your clean toys in a drawer where they’ll collect dust and potentially touch other items. Store them in individual bags or cases. Many toys come with storage pouches for this reason.

And if you’re sharing toys between partners or using the same toy for vaginal and anal play, use condoms on the toys and change them between uses. A dildo that goes from someone’s anus to their vagina without proper cleaning or a barrier is a bacterial highway to infection city.

Lena and Josh had a whole collection of toys they’d accumulated over their five-year marriage. But they were storing everything in one big bin, toys touching each other, no individual bags. When Lena developed bacterial vaginosis, her doctor asked about their toy hygiene. That conversation led to a complete overhaul—they bought storage bags, established a cleaning routine, and Lena’s recurring infections stopped.

The Environment Matters

You might not think about it, but where you have sex matters for hygiene too.

Clean sheets are basic, right? But here’s the question: how often are you actually changing them? If you’re having sex regularly, you should be washing your sheets at least once a week, maybe twice. Sweat, bodily fluids, bacteria—it all builds up in your bedding.

And if you’re using lubricant or massage oils, those can stain and also trap bacteria in fabric. Consider putting down a towel during messier sessions. There are even special sex blankets designed to be waterproof and easy to clean.

Bathroom counters, shower walls, kitchen tables—wherever spontaneity takes you, think about what that surface has been exposed to. A quick wipe-down with a cleaning cloth beforehand isn’t killing the mood; it’s being smart. Nobody wants to explain to their doctor that they got an infection from having sex on an unwashed bathroom counter.

Oral Sex Specifics

Oral sex deserves its own conversation when it comes to hygiene. Your mouth contains tons of bacteria—different bacteria than your genitals are used to. That doesn’t mean oral sex is dangerous, but it does mean some precautions help.

Brush your teeth and floss regularly, but here’s a trick: don’t brush right before oral sex. Brushing can create tiny cuts in your gums, which can actually make it easier to transmit infections. Instead, rinse with mouthwash or just drink some water.

If you or your partner has any cuts or sores in your mouth—even something minor like where you bit your cheek—hold off on oral sex until it heals. And if you’re going down on someone with a vulva, be gentle. The tissue is delicate. Aggressive tongue movements or harsh suction can cause irritation.

For people giving oral to penis owners: the same bacteria principles apply. If your partner hasn’t washed recently, there can be a buildup of bacteria under the foreskin or in the general area. A quick rinse beforehand makes the experience better for everyone.

Dental dams for vulva-oral sex and condoms for penis-oral sex aren’t just for STI prevention—though they’re excellent for that. They also provide a barrier against bacteria transfer.

Hair and Grooming

There’s so much cultural pressure around pubic hair, and I want to be clear: how you groom is entirely your choice. But let’s talk about the hygiene realities.

Pubic hair actually serves a protective function. It reduces friction, it traps dirt and bacteria before they can reach more sensitive areas, and it helps regulate temperature and moisture. If you remove all your pubic hair, you’re removing some natural protection.

That said, if you prefer to trim or shave or wax, the key is doing it safely. If you shave:

• Use a clean, sharp razor (dull razors cause more cuts and irritation)
• Shave in the direction of hair growth, not against it
• Use shaving cream or gel, not just soap
• Moisturize afterward with an unscented lotion

If you wax, go to a reputable salon that uses clean techniques. They should never double-dip the applicator stick into the wax—that’s a contamination nightmare.

And here’s something important: right after hair removal, your skin is more vulnerable. Those hair follicles are open, making infection more likely. Wait at least 24 hours before sexual activity to let your skin recover.

Marcus started manscaping before dates because he thought it looked better. But he was using an old razor and shaving against the grain, which led to ingrown hairs and irritation. When he finally talked to a dermatologist—after his wife Yolanda gently suggested the bumps looked painful—he learned proper technique and the irritation cleared up within weeks.

When Things Go Wrong

Even with perfect hygiene, sometimes infections happen. Bodies are complicated, and sometimes the bacterial balance just gets thrown off. Here’s what to watch for:

Unusual discharge that’s green, yellow, gray, or has a strong odor. Itching that doesn’t go away. Burning during urination. Pain during sex. Sores, bumps, or rashes.

If any of these show up, see a doctor. Don’t try to self-diagnose with Google. Don’t just buy over-the-counter treatments without knowing what you’re dealing with. And absolutely do not ignore it hoping it’ll go away.

Here’s the conversation that needs to happen: if you get an infection, tell your spouse. It’s uncomfortable, yes. But they might need treatment too, even if they don’t have symptoms. And you need to work together to figure out what might have caused it so you can prevent it from happening again.

Tasha got a bacterial infection and was mortified to tell her husband Kelvin. She made up excuses to avoid sex for two weeks while she treated it. When she finally confessed, Kelvin’s response surprised her: “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? We’re a team. We’ll figure this out together.” That conversation led them to evaluate their entire hygiene routine, and their relationship actually got stronger because of the honesty.

The Lube and Condom Conversation

Quick but important: lubricant and condoms have hygiene implications too.

Always use water-based or silicone-based lube with condoms. Oil-based lubes—including coconut oil—can break down latex and make condoms ineffective. And check expiration dates. Yes, lube and condoms expire. Old products are less effective and can cause irritation.

If you’re using flavored lube for oral sex, that’s fine. But don’t use it for vaginal sex—the sugars can disrupt pH balance and promote yeast infections. Check out my episodes on lube for more information on this.

Store your condoms and lube in a cool, dry place. Not in your wallet where body heat and pressure can damage them. Not in your car where temperature fluctuations break them down.

Making It Part of Your Routine

Here’s the truth: all of this might sound like a lot, but once you make it routine, it takes almost no time. Keep a pack of washcloths near the bed. Have toy cleaner easily accessible. Build the handwashing and post-sex peeing into your natural rhythm.

And talk to your partner about it. Make it collaborative. “Hey, I read some stuff about sexual hygiene and I think we could update our routine. What do you think?” It’s not romantic, but you know what’s really not romantic? Preventable infections.

Some couples even make it playful. Riley and Marcus take showers together before sex as part of foreplay. Jasmine and her husband set a phone reminder to wash their sheets every Sunday, and they make a game of who can strip the bed faster.

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is being thoughtful, consistent, and communicative. Your sex life will be better for it—more confident, more comfortable, more fun.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected. I’ll see you next week…ba-bye.