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This week I had the privilege to interview Anjanette Ludwig in sunny Arizona.  Anjanette is a fellow coach, a good friend and has been my children’s coach.   Anjanette is also my client.  Today we are going to talk about the connection between parents and their children as well as how those same skills can benefit your marriage.  These tips will help every relationship.

I believe Anjanette holds the key to the secret to good and healthy relationships.  It isn’t about having your children be exactly who you would like them to be.  It is about you loving them exactly the way they are.  Trusting and lasting relationships are not built upon convincing our children to see their life through our perspective.  Connection comes when we start seeing people as they are and doesn’t involve changing them or morphing them into something they are not. 

Are you able to see your child’s spirit?  Once we peel back their words, their actions and their choices we are allowed to see deep into who they really are.  That is when we can begin to connect with them.  Most human beings cannot discover who they want to be or who they are meant to be while they are being molded by someone else.

There is a fallacy in our thoughts that we can change or control people.  We can’t.   We can only change the way we perceive them. 

Anjanette teaches a beautiful concept that the main emotion we should allow to guide our day is unconditional love.  The definition is clearly to see someone as they are and love them anyway.  See their perspective, their perception of life through their eyes of experiences.  When we do this, we drop the judgment.  We see their story ad love them on such a deeper level,

We cannot judge and create a connection at the same time. Connection comes from being curious and compassionate. . . this includes ourselves as well.  It is so difficult to connect with your inner spirit when we are so hard on ourselves.  We learn at such a young age to be critical and judgemental of ourselves.  Society tells us we should be productive, successful and have a life full of achievements.  So we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and punishing ourselves for being human.

So what happens when we haven’t done the work – and we have some gaps to fill in our own lives?  Many times we use our children to try and fill them. We aren’t complete ourselves and that makes being a parent more of a challenge not to try and control and change your own children.

Anjanette as I mentioned is also my client.   She has made great progress filling the holes in her life – which was her connection with her spouse.  Her own sexuality was put on a shelf.  It wasn’t a priority for her – and he didn’t complain.  So she believed everything was ok.

When I asked Anjanette in our interview what she had learned from being my clients, the list was pretty long.

She learned that she can focus on herself.  She realized she can be intimate with her husband for her own pleasure, not just for his.  She realized putting her own sexuality on the shelf was disconnecting not only to who she was – was their marriage.  She had a lot of rules – and together we worked to eliminate some rules or at least not make them so rigid.  She learned that this work is hard – but it was worth every minute and she wouldn’t ever want to go back to the way things were.  As good as they were, they are so much better now.

She recognized that she creates joy in her life – and that is what God wants for her.  In our time together, she mentioned that when she connects to her inner self, it allows her to connect to her spouse and then to God.  She now sees heselfr as one of God’s creations – a creation that is meant to feel joy, happiness and success.  

If you would like more information on how to find Anjanette, go to www.sharethejoy.com  or follow her on Instagram at sharethejoycoaching.