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Whether you’ve been trying for a while or were surprised by that positive pregnancy test, once you see those two lines, a whole new set of questions and concerns often arise about your intimate life as a couple.

I received some fantastic questions from a listener that really sparked this episode. They asked about comfortable sex during each trimester, positions and pillow strategies, how libido changes throughout pregnancy, and wanted me to share other insights about sex during pregnancy that they might not have thought of yet. So let’s dive right in!

The Beautiful Truth About Pregnancy and Sexuality

Here’s something I want you to understand right from the start – pregnancy doesn’t mean your sex life has to go on hold for nine months. In fact, for many couples, pregnancy can be a time of beautiful closeness and connection. Yes, things change, and yes, you’ll need to adapt, but that doesn’t mean the intimate part of your marriage needs to disappear.

I remember talking with one couple where the husband was so nervous about “hurting the baby” that he barely wanted to touch his wife. Meanwhile, she was feeling rejected and wondering if he still found her attractive. Sound familiar? This is incredibly common, and it’s exactly why we need to talk openly about this.

Safety First – When Sex During Pregnancy Is Okay

Before we get into the fun stuff, let’s address the elephant in the room – safety. For most healthy pregnancies, sex is completely safe throughout all nine months. The baby is protected by amniotic fluid, the cervix, and strong uterine muscles. Your baby has no idea what’s happening!

Before we get into the fun stuff, let’s address the elephant in the room – safety. For most healthy pregnancies, sex is completely safe throughout all nine months. The baby is protected by amniotic fluid, the cervix, and strong uterine muscles. Your baby has no idea what’s happening!

However, there are some situations where your doctor might recommend avoiding penetrative sex:

• History of preterm labor
• Cervical insufficiency
• Placenta previa
• Premature rupture of membranes
• Unexplained bleeding

The golden rule? Always check with your healthcare provider, especially if you have any concerns or complications.

Now that we’ve covered the safety basics, let’s talk about what actually happens to your intimate life as you journey through each stage of pregnancy. Because here’s the thing – every trimester brings its own unique set of experiences, challenges, and opportunities for both partners.

First Trimester: The Exhaustion and Nausea Challenge

Let’s be honest about the first trimester – for many women, it’s not exactly the most romantic time. You might be dealing with morning sickness (which, let’s be real, can happen any time of day), extreme fatigue, and breasts that are so tender even a gentle hug feels uncomfortable.

What She’s Experiencing

During these first 12 weeks, libido often takes a nosedive. One day a woman might feel like her normal passionate self, and the next day the thought of intimacy makes her want to curl up in a ball. This is completely normal! A woman’s body is working overtime to create a tiny human, and hormones are going absolutely crazy.

I had one client tell me, “I felt like I was living in someone else’s body. Everything felt different, and not necessarily in a good way.” Women might find that smells that never bothered them before suddenly make them nauseous – including their partner’s cologne or even their natural scent. Energy levels are probably in the basement, and they might feel like they’re getting the flu that never quite arrives.

Now, if this isn’t your first pregnancy, you might be thinking, “But I felt great during my first pregnancy!” Every pregnancy is different, even for the same woman. I’ve had clients who sailed through their first pregnancy with minimal symptoms, only to be hit like a truck during their second. Or vice versa – maybe your first pregnancy was miserable, but this time you’re feeling much better.

If you have other children at home, you’re probably exhausted in a completely different way than first-time moms. You’re not just dealing with pregnancy symptoms – you’re also chasing a toddler, managing school schedules, or dealing with older kids who might have their own feelings about the new baby coming.

Emotionally, women might be dealing with a cocktail of excitement, anxiety, and mood swings that leave them feeling like they’re on an emotional roller coaster. Some women feel guilty about not wanting sex when they “should” be happy about the pregnancy. If this isn’t your first, you might also be dealing with guilt about not being as excited as you were the first time, or worry about how you’ll manage multiple children.

What He’s Experiencing

Husbands, let’s talk about what you might be going through. If this is your first baby, you’re probably feeling a mix of excitement and terror – that’s completely normal! But when it comes to intimacy, you might be thinking, “Is it safe? Will I hurt the baby? Why doesn’t she want me anymore?”

If this isn’t your first child, your concerns might be completely different. You might be less worried about safety since you’ve been through this before, but now you’re dealing with the reality of managing other kids while supporting your pregnant wife. You might be thinking, “How are we going to find time for intimacy when we can barely find time to shower?”

I’ve had so many husbands tell me they feel like they’re walking on eggshells. One client said, “I didn’t know if I should even touch her. She seemed so fragile and different.” Whether this is your first or fifth pregnancy, you might notice she’s rejecting your advances and wonder if she’s still attracted to you.

For experienced dads, there’s sometimes this assumption that “we know what we’re doing now,” but the truth is, every pregnancy is different. You might find yourself comparing this pregnancy to previous ones and feeling confused when things don’t go the same way.

Here’s something important – you might also be dealing with your own anxiety about becoming a father again or becoming a father for the first time, and sometimes that anxiety can actually affect your own libido. It’s okay to admit that you’re scared or overwhelmed too.

Some husbands feel pressure to be the “strong one” and not express their own concerns, but keeping those feelings bottled up doesn’t help anyone. If you have other kids, you might also be feeling guilty about wanting intimate time with your wife when you’re already stretched thin with parenting duties.

Making It Work in the First Trimester

Here are some strategies for maintaining closeness during this challenging time:

Communication is everything. Have honest conversations about how you’re both feeling. Wives, help your husband understand that your rejection of sex isn’t a rejection of him – your body is just going through massive changes. Husbands, share your concerns about safety and your feelings about the changes too.

I always tell couples to have “check-in” conversations. Try saying something like, “I know things feel different right now. How are you doing with all these changes?” or “I’m feeling really overwhelmed by how different my body feels. Can we talk about ways to stay close that feel good for both of us?”

Husbands, this is not the time to pressure. I cannot stress this enough – if your wife is dealing with nausea, exhaustion, and massive hormonal changes, pressuring her for sex is not going to help anyone. I know you might be feeling disconnected or worried about your intimate life, but this is temporary. Your patience and understanding now will pay dividends later.

Remember, sex is not a need that your wife is obligated to meet. It’s a desire you share together when you’re both feeling good about it. During the first trimester, she’s literally building organs for your baby – give her grace.

Wives, you don’t have to be a martyr. I see this all the time – women who feel terrible but think they should “take care of” their husband anyway. Please hear me on this: you do not have to have sex you don’t want to have because you feel guilty. Your husband is a grown man who can handle temporary changes in your intimate life.

If you’re not feeling up for intercourse but want to maintain some physical connection, that’s wonderful. But if you’re just going through the motions because you feel obligated, that’s not healthy for either of you.

Focus on non-sexual closeness. This might be the perfect time to rediscover cuddling, massage, or simply talking together without distractions. Husbands, this is your time to shine with non-sexual touch. Maybe she can’t handle her usual passionate makeout sessions, but gentle back rubs or holding hands while watching a movie might be exactly what she needs.

Timing becomes crucial. If morning sickness is her nemesis, try connecting in the evening when she might feel slightly better. Or if she’s too exhausted at night, maybe a weekend afternoon works better. Husbands, pay attention to when she seems to feel her best and suggest closeness during those windows.

If you have other children, timing becomes even more complex. You might need to be creative about finding moments when the kids are occupied or asleep. Some couples find that early morning works better than trying to connect after a long day of parenting.

Keep expectations flexible. Maybe intercourse isn’t appealing, but she might still enjoy other forms of physical connection. The key is staying open to what feels good in the moment without putting pressure on it leading to anything specific.

For experienced parents, this flexibility becomes even more important. You might have fifteen minutes instead of an hour, or you might get interrupted halfway through. Learning to laugh about these realities instead of getting frustrated can actually bring you closer together.

Address the safety concerns directly. Husbands, it’s okay to ask your doctor or midwife about safety concerns. Sometimes hearing from a medical professional that sex won’t hurt the baby can help you relax and be more present. This is especially important if you had complications in previous pregnancies that are making you more anxious this time.

Second Trimester: The Sweet Spot

Ah, the second trimester – often called the “honeymoon phase” of pregnancy, and for good reason! Many women start feeling more like themselves again around week 14-16.

What She’s Experiencing

This is often when libido makes a comeback, sometimes with a vengeance! Increased blood flow to the pelvic area can make everything more sensitive in the best way possible. Some women experience their most intense orgasms during this time.

I remember one client sharing, “I felt like I was 22 again! My husband couldn’t believe the difference from just a few weeks earlier.” The increased blood flow, combined with feeling more energetic and less nauseous, can create a perfect storm for amazing closeness.

Women might find that they’re actually feeling sexy and attractive during this phase. The belly is starting to show but isn’t huge yet, hair might be fuller and shinier thanks to pregnancy hormones, and they’re probably feeling more like themselves than they have in weeks.

But it’s not universal – some women still struggle with body image changes, even during the “good” trimester. A woman might love her growing breasts but feel self-conscious about her changing belly or the fact that her favorite positions don’t work the same way anymore.

What He’s Experiencing

For many husbands, this is such a relief phase! You’re probably thinking, “Thank goodness, my wife is back!” The woman you fell in love with is feeling better, maybe initiating sex again, and seems more like herself.

This is often when the pregnancy starts feeling really real for men. You can see the baby bump, maybe you’ve had an ultrasound where the baby actually looked like a baby, and you might be feeling more connected to the whole experience.

If this isn’t your first child, you might be feeling more confident about the pregnancy itself, but dealing with new challenges around time and energy. Trying to maintain closeness while managing other children requires a different kind of creativity. You might find yourselves having to be more intentional about creating opportunities for connection.

Here’s something interesting that happens during the second trimester – many men feel a surge of attraction and connection to their pregnant wives. There’s something about seeing her feel good in her changing body that can be incredibly appealing. You might find yourself more interested in sex than usual.

But some husbands also start feeling protective in new ways. You can see the pregnancy progressing, and you might find yourself asking more questions about positions or being more gentle than usual, even though she’s telling you she feels great.

Some men also feel pressure during this “good” phase to “make up for” the first trimester, thinking they need to have more sex now because it might get difficult again later. Try to resist this thinking – sex works best when it flows naturally, not when it’s driven by pressure or timeline anxiety.

Comfortable Positions for the Second Trimester

As a woman’s belly starts to grow, lying flat on her back for extended periods isn’t recommended (it can compress major blood vessels), but there are still lots of options:

Side-lying positions become her friend. Try spooning, where both partners are lying on their sides with her partner behind her. This takes pressure off her belly and allows for comfortable penetration.

Woman on top gives her complete control over depth and speed. As one client put it, “I felt so empowered being able to set the pace.”

Modified missionary with pillows under her back and hips to keep her slightly elevated rather than completely flat.

Pillow Strategies

Let’s talk pillows – they’re about to become a pregnant woman’s best friend!

• A pillow under her hip when side-lying can improve the angle for both comfort and pleasure
• A pregnancy wedge pillow can support her growing belly
• Regular pillows behind her back when she’s on top can provide comfortable support

Third Trimester: Working with Your Changing Body

The third trimester brings new challenges and opportunities. Your belly is getting significantly larger, you might be dealing with back pain, and finding comfortable positions requires more creativity.

What She’s Experiencing

The third trimester is such a mixed bag when it comes to intimacy and desire. Some women feel incredibly sensual and connected to their bodies – there’s something powerful about creating life that can make a woman feel like a goddess. I’ve had clients tell me they felt more womanly and feminine than ever before.

But let’s be real about the challenges too. Women might be dealing with heartburn that makes certain positions uncomfortable, their back is probably aching, and they might feel like they need a forklift to get out of bed. Simple things like rolling over become a production, so you can imagine how that affects spontaneous intimacy.

If this isn’t your first pregnancy, you might be comparing how you feel now to how you felt before. Maybe your first pregnancy was easier, or maybe this one is going more smoothly. Either way, it can be mentally challenging to navigate those comparisons.

Sleep is probably becoming elusive – between the frequent bathroom trips, trying to find a comfortable position with a growing belly, and the general discomfort, many women are exhausted in a whole new way. When someone’s barely sleeping, desire often takes a backseat. Add in middle-of-the-night wake-ups from other children, and you might feel like you’re running on empty.

Body image can be really complicated during this phase. Some days a woman might feel amazed by what her body is doing, and other days she might feel like a whale. I’ve had clients say things like, “I love my baby, but I feel like I don’t recognize my own body anymore.”

If you’ve been through pregnancy before, you might have different body image concerns this time. Maybe you’re older and recovery felt harder last time, or maybe your body didn’t bounce back the way you hoped after your previous pregnancy.

Women might also be dealing with increased anxiety about labor and delivery, which can definitely affect their ability to relax and be present during sex. If you had a difficult birth experience before, those memories might be affecting your ability to enjoy sex as you get closer to your due date.

What He’s Experiencing

Husbands, the third trimester often brings up a lot of complex feelings for you too. This is when things get really practical and immediate. You can see your wife struggling with basic comfort – getting up from the couch, rolling over in bed, putting on shoes – and you might feel helpless about how to support her.

If this is your first baby, you might be starting to panic a little about the approaching due date. Labor and delivery are no longer some abstract future event – they’re happening soon. If you’ve been through this before, you might be feeling more confident about the birth process, but anxious about managing your other children during labor or the adjustment period after.

Many men experience what I call “nesting anxiety” during this phase. While women often get the urge to organize and prepare everything, men might feel pressure to “fix” everything before the baby comes. You might find yourself obsessing over the nursery, finances, or work arrangements in ways that actually distract from intimacy with your wife.

The physical limitations can be really frustrating for husbands. You want to be close to your wife, but finding positions that work requires so much effort and creativity that spontaneity goes out the window. One client told me, “It felt like we needed an engineering degree just to have sex.”

You might also be feeling protective in an almost overwhelming way. Seeing your wife struggle to get comfortable can make you want to wrap her in bubble wrap, but she probably doesn’t want to be treated like she’s made of glass.

If you’ve been through pregnancy before, you might be comparing how you’re feeling now to how you felt during previous pregnancies. Maybe you were more excited or more anxious last time, and you’re trying to figure out why this feels different.

There’s also something that happens to many men in the third trimester – you start really thinking about life after the baby comes. Your sex life is about to change dramatically (again, if you have other kids), and that anticipation can actually affect how you’re feeling about sex now.

Third Trimester Positions

Creativity becomes essential in the third trimester:

Edge of the bed – You lie on your side at the edge of the bed while your partner stands. This removes any pressure from your belly.

Hands and knees – This position (often called doggy style) keeps weight off your belly and can feel really good with the increased blood flow.

Chair or couch – You sitting on a chair or couch with your partner kneeling in front of you can work wonderfully.

Standing positions – Leaning against a wall or counter with your partner behind you can be comfortable and effective.

Advanced Pillow Engineering

By the third trimester, you might need to get really creative with pillows:

• A pillow between your knees when side-lying
• Multiple pillows to create a “nest” that supports various parts of your body
• A pillow under your belly when in hands-and-knees positions

Other Important Considerations

Oral Sex During Pregnancy

Oral sex is generally safe during pregnancy, but there’s one important caveat – partners should never blow air into the vagina, as this could potentially cause an air embolism. Otherwise, oral sex can be a wonderful way to stay connected, especially during times when intercourse feels uncomfortable.

Changes in Sensation

Your body is changing in ways that affect sensation. Increased blood flow might make some touches feel more intense, while breast tenderness might make certain caresses uncomfortable. This is all about ongoing communication and being willing to adapt.

Emotional Intimacy Throughout Pregnancy

Don’t underestimate the importance of emotional connection during this time. Pregnancy can bring up fears, excitement, anxiety, and joy – sometimes all in the same day! Talking through these feelings together can actually enhance your physical closeness.

For women, you might be dealing with fears about how your body will change permanently, anxiety about being a good mother, or excitement about meeting your baby that’s mixed with terror about labor. These feelings are huge, and when you’re processing them alone, it can create distance in your marriage.

For men, you might be worried about providing for your growing family, scared about something going wrong during pregnancy or delivery, or feeling overwhelmed by how much your life is about to change. You might also be processing your own relationship with your father and what kind of dad you want to be.

Here’s what I’ve noticed with couples who maintain strong closeness during pregnancy – they make time to talk about these big feelings. They don’t just focus on the physical symptoms or the logistics of preparing for baby. They actually connect about the emotional journey they’re both on.

Try asking each other questions like:

• “What’s the scariest thing about becoming a parent for you?”
• “What are you most excited about?”
• “How do you want our relationship to change, and how do you want it to stay the same?”
• “What do you need from me during this time?”

Common Challenges for Both Partners

Let me address some specific challenges that come up again and again in my coaching:

The “Walking on Eggshells” Phase: This usually happens in the first trimester when husbands become so worried about doing something wrong that they barely touch their wives. Meanwhile, wives feel rejected and wonder if their husbands still find them attractive. The solution? Direct communication about boundaries and desires.

The “Everything’s Different” Anxiety: Both partners often feel like they don’t know the rules anymore. What used to work doesn’t work. What used to feel good might feel uncomfortable. This is normal! Give yourselves permission to experiment and figure out what works now.

The Timing Challenge: Between nausea, exhaustion, doctor appointments, and all the other pregnancy symptoms, finding time for sex can feel impossible. This is where creativity and flexibility become your best friends. Maybe your sex life looks different than it used to – and that’s okay.

Body Image Struggles: This affects both partners, though differently. Women might feel uncomfortable in their changing bodies, while men might feel uncertain about how to express attraction without making their partner feel objectified or uncomfortable.

Safety Anxiety: Even when you know intellectually that sex is safe during pregnancy, it can be hard to relax and be present when part of your brain is worried about the baby. Getting reassurance from your healthcare provider and having ongoing conversations about comfort levels can help.

Myths to Ignore

Let me bust a few myths really quickly:

• Sex does not cause miscarriage in healthy pregnancies
• Orgasms do not harm the baby (those uterine contractions are different from labor contractions)
• The baby cannot be “poked” during intercourse
• Sex will not induce labor unless your body is already ready (and even then, it’s not guaranteed)

When to Call It Quits (Temporarily)

There are times when you might need to pause penetrative sex temporarily:

• If you experience bleeding after sex
• If sex becomes painful
• If your doctor has specifically advised against it
• If either partner feels uncomfortable or anxious

Remember, taking a break from intercourse doesn’t mean taking a break from emotional connection and closeness altogether.  This is where I find many couples get it wrong.  If sex stops, so does connection and it doesn’t need to be that way.

Communication Scripts

Sometimes knowing what to say makes all the difference. Here are some conversation starters:

“I’m feeling really uncomfortable in that position. Can we try something different?”

“My breasts are super tender right now. Can we focus on other areas?”

“I’m feeling really connected to you right now, but I’m not sure intercourse sounds appealing. Can we explore other ways to be intimate?”

“I’m worried about hurting you or the baby. Can we talk about what feels safe and good?”

Looking Ahead

While we’re focusing on pregnancy today, I want you to know that next week we’re going to dive deep into postpartum sex and connection. We’ll talk about healing, expectations, and how to navigate your sex life after baby arrives. So make sure you tune in for that episode – it’s going to be incredibly helpful for setting realistic expectations and planning for that next phase of your journey together.

Embracing the Journey

Here’s what I want you to take away from today’s episode – pregnancy is a season of your marriage, and like all seasons, it has its own unique beauty and challenges. Your sex life doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can still be meaningful and connecting.

I think about couples who approach pregnancy with curiosity rather than fear, with communication rather than assumptions, and with grace for themselves and each other. These couples often tell me that pregnancy became a time of deeper connection and discovery.

One client told me, “We learned to be more creative, more patient, and more communicative. Those skills served us well long after our baby was born.”

Final Thoughts

Remember that every pregnancy is different, every body is different, and every couple is different. What works for your sister or your best friend might not work for you, and that’s perfectly okay.

Stay connected to your healthcare provider, stay connected to each other, and remember that this beautiful, challenging, transformative time is temporary. You’re growing a human being while also nurturing your marriage – give yourself credit for doing something absolutely amazing.

If you’re listening to this and feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath. You don’t have to figure it all out today. Focus on one conversation, one moment of connection at a time.

And to the listener who sent in these questions – thank you for being brave enough to ask. I guarantee you’re not the only one wondering about these things.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected. I’ll see you next week…ba-bye.

Remember to consult with your healthcare provider about any concerns related to intimacy during pregnancy. Every pregnancy is unique, and individual medical guidance is important.