Let’s talk about role playing! It can bring a lot of excitement, fun, fantasy, and of course some intimidation and awkwardness, especially in the beginning. We’ll talk about why you want to role play in the bedroom and how to start in this episode. It may be awkward at first, but if you give it a little time it could be really great!
If you want some ideas or even some scripts, you can find them online or in books.
Sexy Roleplaying Scripts: Straight Couples Edition
There are also websites where you can purchase scripts.
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References for this episode:
If you want some ideas or even some scripts, you can find them online or in books.
Sexy Roleplaying Scripts: Straight Couples Edition
There are also websites where you can purchase scripts.
Subscription Box
Source:
Show Summary:
Last week I touched on role-playing in the bedroom as a way to bring in some of the forbidden element. Role-playing can also bring on a lot of excitement, fun, fantasy, and of course some intimidation and awkwardness, especially in the beginning. But, like most sexual things go, with practice and communication it can get a whole lot better.
Why Role Play?
Especially if you’ve been together a long time, you may want add things to your sex life to keep it fresh and exciting. Most of the time our brain loves things that are new and novel. Role play is a great way to explore sexual fantasies and desires. Just like you liked dressing up for Halloween as a kid as a way to try something fun and new, role playing is a great way for adults to do that. By role playing it also makes you more involved with sex. I hear of too many wives who just lay there and aren’t really involved in the love-making. With role playing you are having to actively use your imagination to envision a fantasy situation, you may have costumes, you may have lines. So you tend to be more engaged. There also tends to be a lot more foreplay. It’s about more than just taking off your clothes, kissing, and intercourse. With role playing, you usually spend time flirting, playing, manipulation, and inventing dialogues. You spend a lot of time on creating sexual tension, which definitely helps with arousal. And because role playing is usually different that your everyday sex, it tend to be more original, adventurous, and fun!
How To Start
If you are interested in role playing, there are a few things you should know first.
1 Set your boundaries
Before you start out, talk to your partner beforehand and set some guidelines and boundaries. What are you willing to do and what are you not willing to do? Maybe even set up a safe word that stop things at any point if it’s uncomfortable for one partner.
2 Decide what to role-play
You may be able to invent on the spot, or you may want to set up a character and storyline ahead of time. Not everyone is going to be an Oscar winning actor from the get-go. That’s ok! Are you going to be yourselves? Are you a different person? An alter-ego? A character? It’s also ok to take some time and figure it out as you go. See what feels right and good.
Talk to each other and see what’s going to turn your partner on. It’s important to remember that if you are pretending to be different people it doesn’t mean your partner doesn’t love you! Don’t take it personally! It’s fun! It’s play!
One of the biggest objections I hear from people about role-playing is that they are afraid that they or their partner is going to become whatever they are role-playing. And in most cases, this is not true. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife has used the example that just because you might have played cops and robbers as kids, doesn’t mean we grew up to become cops and robbers. And maybe some did, but not because they pretended to be one as a kid.
Give yourself and your partner permission to pretend, act, be whatever works for the both of you. This isn’t a time to judge the other person for their fantasies and what they may want to act out. This is a chance to get to know each other better and create more intimacy. To understand your partner fully and completely. The fact that they want to do this with YOU is important and shouldn’t be judged.
3 Start Small
It’s ok, especially for the first few times, to start small. You don’t have to go all out from the get-go. It doesn’t have to involve costumes and dialogue. Sometimes just talking can be very erotic. Describe what you would be wearing. Describe the setting. Describe what you want your partner to do. Remember that women get aroused the most through the auditory…use that to your advantage. You want to arouse the mind, not just the body.
A great way to test the waters is to start out the role-play by texting first. That way you can gauge how much you enjoy it without the pressure of “acting” in front of each other.
4 Don’t stress if you feel silly
Role-playing will probably feel awkward, uncomfortable, and silly at first if you aren’t used to it. It’s normal to feel that way. Just keep going.
5 Change Locations
Whether you actually want to start out the role-playing at a local restaurant or hotel or just want to pretend that you are there in your own kitchen, you get to decide what works for you. The fun in this is using your imagination. Sex is all about flexing your creative muscles.
Some Scenarios to Try
The classic power dynamics
- Boss/employee
- Teacher/Student
- Guest/Maid
- Doctor/Nurse/Patient
Strangers
First Date
Long Distance
Massage Therapist
Food Delivery
Non-monogamy
Some of these might be outside of your value system, and that’s ok. So is being a robber in cops and robbers. Remember, this is acting. Pretend. Fantasy. It’s not real.
Don’t be afraid to really act
It’s not weird to get into it; it’s your fantasy for crying out loud! Role-playing is about being someone else for a little bit and acting out all of your desires with your partner. It’s a fun way to try all those things you dream about without a ton of commitment.
If you try something and realize you don’t really enjoy it, try something else. It doesn’t mean that role-playing doesn’t work for you. It just might be that particular fantasy. Role-playing is about trial and error, so don’t be surprised if you thought you’d love or hate something and it turns out to surprise you.
That being said, it’s not for everyone. It is not a must. It’s not the level-up or the next upgrade. It may simply not work, and that is fine. Many people may find the idea of taking on a new role or trying out a fantasy scenario stupid, boring, or cumbersome. If you or your partner is really skeptical about the whole idea, it may not be something positive. Some people just don’t have the imagination, and while I believe that this skill can be developed with a bit of effort, I realize that it’s not for everyone. And that is ok!
If you want some ideas or even some scripts, you can find them online or in books.
Sexy Roleplaying Scripts: Straight Couples Edition
There are also websites where you can purchase scripts.
Subscription Box
