Blog

So I know this podcast might seem a little early since Mother’s Day is more than a week away.  But, I wanted to get it out this week because I wanted you to listen to this and have to time to think about it and implement these strategies with enough time.

In the past, Mother’s Day hasn’t been great for me, as I know it isn’t for a lot of women.  It seems like Mother’s Day comes with a lot of disappointment, guilt, sadness, and sorrow for a variety of reasons. A lot of women hate Mother’s Day because of all of the feelings that it brings up for them.   And I know that I am not going to be able to articulate what every one of you feels about this holiday, but I wanted to touch on some of the feelings and maybe the reasons why.

Maybe you hate Mother’s Day because you lost your mom.

Maybe you hate Mother’s Day because you aren’t a mom or have had trouble becoming a mom.

Maybe you hate Mother’s Day because you compare yourself to others and how you aren’t measuring up.

Maybe you hate Mother’s Day because your family doesn’t do for you what you see other’s doing for them.

Whatever the reason, I think Mother’s Day kind of magnifies a lot of the thoughts and feelings that we have about ourselves and our lives.  And if we are struggling with a certain thing in our life, Mother’s Day it seems to make it take center stage with a spotlight.  As mothers, we are experts at finding our faults.  We have an uncanny ability to magnify even the tiniest of flaws.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  

But, there is a way to make Mother’s Day the way you want it to be.

So last year, before Mother’s Day I was thinking about how much I hated the holiday.  I’m was always disappointed because it never lived up to my expectations.  In the past, I had tried not having expectations, but there was always a hope that SOMETHING would be done, and then when my family didn’t do anything, I was upset.

I’d see women posting on Facebook and Instagram about their children bringing them breakfast in bed and husbands showering them with gifts and kindness and would think “I must be doing something wrong because my family doesn’t do this for me”.  This brought on feelings of guilt and shame.  If I was the kind of mother I should be, my family would do this.  Do you see the flaw in my logic?  Do hear all the “shoulds” on myself and my family?  Setting myself up for failure right there!

How was my family supposed to know what I wanted?  They weren’t looking at what other people were doing and saying “we should do that for mom.”  

So last year, I was determined that Mother’s Day would be different (and it was!).  

This is what I did…

1. I clearly stated my requests to my husband and children. I told them that I didn’t need a lot but I would like to know that I was at least thought about and remembered. Breakfast would be nice. Small gifts or flowers.  Sunday dinner (which my husband usually cooks anyway). And spending time with them, either playing games or watching a movie together or something.

2. I took time that day to thank myself for the good job I am doing as a mom. I know I am a good mom. I am human. I make mistakes. But I do my best and that is all anyone can ask. Sometimes my best isn’t great, but I know that it’s my best and that is good enough. 

To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle – and all will – I say, “Be peaceful.  Believe in God and yourself.  You are doing better than you think you are.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

3. I thanked my Heavenly Father for the privilege I have to partner with Him and help raise these beautiful children. He understands my weaknesses and the Atonement makes up for my inadequacies as a mother.  And I am truly grateful for the opportunity to be a mother and to be able to mother other children.

There is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.  – M Russell Ballard (notice how it doesn’t say perfect motherhood)

4. I looked outside of myself and found joy in celebrating the women in my life who mothered me, mothered my children, and my friends instead of focusing solely on myself and what I was or was not getting.  I took the time to specifically thank my mom, my aunts, my grandma, and other women who had mothered me individually.  I took the time to tell friends how much I admired them and I think they are doing a great job as a mom.

Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us. – Sheri L Dew

By doing these four things, I truly created for myself the greatest Mother’s Day I’ve ever had.  It was full of love, and gratitude and abundance, which were amazing to feel.  

With my thoughts, I created the day that I wanted to have.  I created the feelings that I wanted to feel.

So what do you want for Mother’s Day this year?  What thoughts do you want to create for yourself?  What feelings do you want to have?

I would suggest doing a purposeful thought download.  Sit down with a piece of paper and write down the day the you want to create for yourself.  How do you want to be thinking throughout the day (even if your family doesn’t live up to your expectations)?  How do you want feel throughout the day.  Do you want to feel disappointment? Resentment? Guilt? Sadness?  Or do you want to feel joy, love, gratitude, and abundance?

All of it is possible and it doesn’t matter what anyone else does or doesn’t do.  It’s all up to you and what you want to create for yourself.  Be purposeful in the day that you want to create for yourself and for those around you.