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For the last couple of weeks here on the podcast we have been discussing Level 1 and Level 2 Sex, what those entail, and what keeps us from moving to the next level.  Today we are delving into the pinnacle of marital intimacy: Level 3 Sex.  In this episode, we’ll explore what Level 3 Sex entails, why couples would aspire to reach it, and how both partners can contribute to this sacred and transformative journey.

So what is Level 3 Sex?  Well unlike Level 1 that is characterized by duty, obligation, and is one-sided, or even Level 2 sex that has more intimacy and is usually more satisfying for both, Level 3 Sex is not merely about reaching climax or satisfying physical urges; it’s about experiencing a profound connection with your partner that encompasses mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions. It’s about merging your souls in a union that celebrates your God-given sexuality and deepens the bond between you and your spouse. Level 3 Sex is characterized by genuine passion, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to nurturing intimacy within the marriage.

Central to Level 3 Sex are the concepts of surrendering and cherishing. Surrendering in the context of Level 3 Sex means letting go of inhibitions, fears, and self-consciousness, allowing yourself to be fully vulnerable and present with your partner. It’s about releasing control and allowing the intimacy to unfold naturally, without judgment or reservation. Cherishing, on the other hand, involves honoring and valuing your partner’s body, desires, and needs with reverence and adoration. It’s about treating each intimate moment as a sacred gift and cherishing the opportunity to connect deeply with your spouse.

In Level 3 Sex, the focus shifts from achieving a physical release to nurturing the quality of connection between partners. It requires attunement—an intimate understanding of each other’s needs, desires, and emotions on a profound level. Attunement involves being fully present, actively listening, and responding with empathy and compassion. It means tuning in to your partner’s cues, both verbal and non-verbal, and responding with sensitivity and care.

Level 3 Sex is grounded in integrity and wholeness within oneself and the relationship. It involves aligning your sexual expression with your core values, beliefs, and spiritual convictions. It’s about engaging in intimate encounters that honor your individual and shared principles, ensuring that your sexual connection enhances, rather than undermines, your emotional and spiritual well-being. Level 3 Sex celebrates the holistic nature of human sexuality and seeks to integrate physical pleasure with spiritual depth and emotional intimacy.

The benefits of Level 3 Sex extend far beyond the bedroom. It fosters a deeper sense of connection and intimacy between partners, leading to greater marital satisfaction and fulfillment. It can reignite passion and desire, even in long-term relationships, and promote emotional healing and growth. Level 3 Sex cultivates true oneness between husband and wife, strengthening the bond of love and commitment and creating a foundation for a thriving and resilient marriage.

Both partners have a vital role to play in creating and nurturing a Level 3 sexual relationship. Here is how couples can move from Level 2 to Level 3 sex: 

1. Open Communication:
   1. Create a Safe Space: Establish an environment where both partners feel safe and comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and desires without fear of judgment or criticism.
   2. Active Listening: Practice active listening by giving each other your full attention and validating each other’s experiences and emotions.
   3. Share Fantasies and Desires: Encourage open dialogue about sexual fantasies, desires, and boundaries. Discuss what turns you on and explore ways to incorporate each other’s fantasies into your sexual experiences.
   4. Address Concerns and Issues: Be willing to address any concerns or issues that may arise, such as performance anxiety, body image insecurities, or past traumas. Seek professional help if necessary to work through these challenges together.
2. Emotional Connection:
   1. Quality Time Together: Prioritize spending quality time together outside of the bedroom to nurture emotional intimacy. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and create opportunities for meaningful conversations and shared experiences.
   2. Express Appreciation: Show appreciation and gratitude for each other on a regular basis. Acknowledge and celebrate each other’s strengths, efforts, and contributions to the relationship.
   3. Practice Empathy: Cultivate empathy by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and striving to understand their perspective and feelings, even if you don’t agree. Validate their emotions and offer support and reassurance when needed.
   4. Cultivate Trust: Build trust and security within the relationship by being reliable, honest, and transparent with each other. Trust forms the foundation for emotional intimacy and allows you to fully open up to each other.
3. Explore Sensuality:
   1. Slow Down: Take the time to slow down and savor each moment of physical intimacy. Focus on sensations, textures, and the connection between you and your partner rather than rushing towards a goal.
   2. Experiment with Touch: Explore different forms of touch, such as gentle caresses, massages, and sensual kisses, to heighten arousal and deepen intimacy. Pay attention to your partner’s responses and adjust your touch accordingly.
   3. Sensory Exploration: Engage all your senses during intimate moments, incorporating elements like candles, music, scents, and textures to create a multi-sensory experience that enhances pleasure and connection.
   4. Embrace Variety: Be open to exploring new techniques, positions, and experiences together to keep your sexual relationship fresh and exciting. Encourage each other to voice preferences and desires to ensure mutual satisfaction. Don’t take offense if they mention something that you do.  Work to self-soothe and learn from their experience.
4. Spiritual Connection:
   1. Shared Values and Beliefs: Explore and discuss your shared values and beliefs surrounding sexuality, intimacy, and spirituality. Identify ways to incorporate these values into your sexual relationship, such as through prayer, meditation, or shared rituals.  This does not mean you have to be the same religion.  It is making room for both of your experiences in the relationship.
   2. Connect with a Higher Purpose: View your sexual relationship as a sacred and spiritual practice that deepens your connection to each other and to a higher power, whatever that may be for each of you. Cultivate a sense of reverence and gratitude for the gift of intimacy within marriage.
   3. Practice Mindful Sexuality: Approach sex with mindfulness and intention, focusing on the spiritual connection and union between you and your partner rather than purely physical gratification. Use sex as a means to express love, devotion, and spiritual connection.
5. Mindfulness and Presence:
   1. Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises to center yourself and cultivate presence before, during, and after sexual encounters. Deep breathing can help relax the body, calm the mind, and enhance awareness of physical sensations.
   2. Body Awareness: Tune into your body’s signals and sensations during intimate moments, paying attention to areas of tension or pleasure. Share feedback with your partner and adjust your movements and touch to maximize mutual pleasure and connection.
   3. Stay Present: Resist the urge to get lost in thoughts or distractions during sex by bringing your focus back to the present moment. Engage all your senses and immerse yourself fully in the experience of connecting with your partner.
6. Educate and Learn:
   1. Read and Research: Take the time to educate yourselves about sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy through books, podcasts, articles, and reputable online resources. Explore topics such as sexual anatomy, arousal patterns, and techniques for enhancing pleasure.
   2. Attend Workshops or Coaching: Consider attending workshops or couples coaching sessions focused on sexual intimacy and communication. A trained professional can provide valuable insights, tools, and exercises to help you deepen your connection and navigate any challenges that arise.
   3. Explore Together: Approach learning about sexuality as a shared journey of exploration and discovery. Experiment with new techniques, toys, or role-playing scenarios together, and be open to trying new things based on each other’s interests and comfort levels.
7. Seek Professional Help:
   1. Find a Qualified Coach or Therapist: If you’re struggling to navigate the transition to Level 3 sex on your own, don’t hesitate to seek guidance from a qualified sex coach (like myself) or therapist who specializes in marital intimacy. Look for someone who is knowledgeable, compassionate, and experienced in working with couples. Not all coaches or even marriage therapists have training in these areas, so finding one that has experience and training is important.
   2. Commit to the Process: Be willing to invest time, effort, and resources into improving your sexual relationship. Recognize that achieving Level 3 sex is a journey that requires patience, perseverance, and a willingness to confront and overcome obstacles together.
   3. Follow Through: Take the insights and strategies you gain from and apply them consistently in your relationship. Be open to feedback and guidance, and communicate openly with your partner about your progress and any challenges you encounter.

While the rewards of Level 3 Sex are undeniable, the journey is not without its challenges. It requires couples to confront and overcome personal insecurities, past traumas, and societal taboos surrounding sex. It may unearth differences in sexual desires and preferences that require honest communication and collaboration. Additionally, the pressures of daily life and external stressors can hinder intimacy and connection, requiring intentional effort to overcome. However, by facing these challenges together and committing to the journey, couples can overcome obstacles and experience the profound joys of Level 3 Sex.

Level 3 Sex offers couples an opportunity to transcend physical pleasure and experience true intimacy and oneness with their spouse. By surrendering to each other, cherishing their connection, and embracing their God-given sexuality, couples can elevate their sexual relationship to new heights of passion, fulfillment, and spiritual communion. So, dare to embark on this transformative journey and unlock the boundless joys of Level 3 Sex.  And if you need help with this go to AmandaLouder.com and click on Get Help in the menu.  You can join my women’s membership for just $24.50 for your first month when you use the code PODCAST at checkout or you can sign up for a couples consultation to see how couples coaching can help the two of you.

Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected. Goodbye for now.